


I Don't Love Anyone (But You're Not Just Anyone)

by fyreyantic



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bullying, Drinking, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Human Disaster Clint Barton, Infidelity, Peer Pressure, References to Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:19:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fyreyantic/pseuds/fyreyantic
Summary: Bea's a college freshman who's just trying to make it through college. Loki has a reputation that precedes him. One night at a party, he comes to Bea's rescue, but the consequences of this single action become more complicated than either of them had anticipated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is from a prompt from imagine-loki
> 
> Likes are always appreciated. I eat them like sweets.

“It’s not that big a deal. Come on, just do it.”

“Bea, what the hell – hurry up.”

Bea looked vacantly at the necklace in front of her. All she had to do was take it in her hand and put it in her pocket. Her friends assured her that the only security camera facing her was a fake but Bea struggled to believe that. This was wrong. She wasn’t raised like this but that was all in the past now. Scrunching her eyes shut she grabbed it and stashed it into her jacket pocket. Her heart thumped relentlessly as all four of them left the store. She barely registered them congratulating her. They were all so excited that it was contagious. Bea smiled along with them as they walked down the street.

They’d all met during Freshers’ week. Bea knew no one and spent a lot of the time trying (and ultimately failing) to make friends or join a friend group. Not really knowing why, a group of girls had decided to take her under their wing. The only problem was that, while most of the time Bea enjoyed spending time with them, they’d often push her to do things she’d rather not do.

Jemma, Rose, and Kylie told her she was just too much of a ‘girl good’ and that she should just enjoy herself. But Bea didn’t enjoy trashing public bathrooms, or smoking cigarettes, or drinking until she passed out. Bea definitely didn’t enjoy stealing the necklace. Still, they were her friends and she felt happy just to have people to hang out with.

 

“Well, I’ve never…”

Bea paused realising what she was just about to confess. They were all at a party, music thumping loud enough that they could only just hear each other. Bodies moved to the beat in the centre of the room while clusters of students stood to the side.

“You’re a virgin?” Rose whispered.

“Oh my god,” Kylie said, hand over her mouth.

“I have done stuff! I’ve just never…you know…”

Bea trailed off awkwardly.

“Did you go to a Catholic school?”

“Are you a Mormon?”

Bea shook her head vehemently.

Jemma grinned and Bea smelt trouble.

“You know, Bea…I think it’d be a really great idea to find someone tonight. Don’t you think so?”

Rose and Kylie agreed.

“I don’t –“

“You can’t be a virgin at your age,” Rose piped up.

“We’re looking out for you, okay? Guys don’t want girls who don’t know what they’re doing,” Kylie said.

“Yeah, you’ve got to catch up,” Rose continued. “Before it’s too late.”

Bea stood, feeling stuck in a terrifying position. She looked around at the guys in the room and felt uncomfortable to imagine sleeping with any of them. She didn’t know them; she didn’t want them anywhere near her nether regions.

“I…I might go get a drink,” Bea said uncertainly.

“Okay. We’ll be scouting out guys for you.”

“Cool,” Bea replied.

She tried to walk coolly and calmly towards the kitchen. That’s where all the alcohol was, except for the punch bowls. Bea had no idea what was in those. One maybe was sangria, but she wasn’t certain.

Opening the door, Bea stepped inside and shut it behind her fast. She took a deep breath. It was going to be okay. She could do this. She was scared, but she could do this. There wasn’t an option to run away after all; the girls had been her ride. And Bea had no idea where she actually was.

She took a few more deep breaths. On the counter stood an array of alcoholic drinks. She grabbed the vodka, even though it wasn’t hers, and opened the cap. Liquid courage, she thought to herself. She lifted the bottle to her lips and tried to gulp down a mouthful. Bea stopped partway and started to cough. Once she’d stopped coughing she made to try again.

“’An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again. Thus he is wiser than most men.’”

Bea looked up in surprise and found a tall, dark-haired student leaning against one of the counters. His face chiseled and piercing green eyes, even in his casual attitude he gave the impression of elegance. He was impossibly handsome.

“What?” Bea asked, a little caught up in his appearance.

“It’s a comment Darwin made during a study involving alcohol and monkeys. You were nearly choking the first time, yet unwisely you made to drink again.”

“I think I’m going to have a really, really unwise night. I’m just starting early.”

The man raised his eyebrows.

“I hope not too unwise. Perhaps it’d be best just to leave, if that’s the case.”

Bea shook her head.

“Nope. I’m stuck. Stuck here and got to go lose my virginity because that’s what college girls do!”

She could feel the alcohol start to weave its way into her system.

“Lose your…So you’re drinking? That’s your solution?”

“Well I can’t leave. My friends brought me here. And I was all like, ‘I’ve never done it’, or something and they were all, ‘oh my god no way go find some boy’ and I can’t leave without them, and I don’t want to sleep with someone, why are my friends making me do this?”

He remained silent long enough for Bea to start apologising.

“I’m sorry. This isn’t your problem, and like…this is probably really annoying.”

Bea sighed.

“Do they know you don’t want to?” the man said with a frown.

“No. They wouldn’t care either. I’m just miss goody two-shoes.”

“These don’t sound like good friends.”

“Your face doesn’t sound like good friends!” Bea suddenly said. Things were getting a bit hazy.

He brushed his hair back with his hand, looking the picture of concern.

“Look, I can see why you wouldn’t want to but…I have an idea. It’ll save you having to have sex with some boring idiot. Are you interested?”

Bea nodded enthusiastically.

“We’ll leave together, making our way through the main room. They’ll think I’m taking you back to my place but instead I’ll simply drop you off at your dorm. Sound good?

Bea furrowed her eyebrows and just looked at him for a moment. Her expression cleared.

“Okay. Yeah.”

He didn’t smile but stopped leaning on the counter.

“Let’s go.”

He opened the door to the main room, Bea at first struggling to catch up with his long stides. The two meandered through the crowd and past the people dancing. Bea caught the eye of Jemma and saw their shocked expressions quickly turn to excitement. Rose put up a thumbs up and Bea smiled. It felt like approval, and approval felt good.

The chilly air hit her hard as the pair exited the house.

“My car’s just a block up.”

They walked together up the street without a word. Bea wanted to speak but it all seemed different from the party. The wind was sobering.

“Here.”

They reached a small, worn-down car. The silver paint was scratched in several places. Bea silently judged it.

He unlocked the car and jumped into the driver’s seat and Bea quickly followed to enter on the other side. As she put her seat belt on he turned the ignition.

“Where’s your dorm?”

“Uh, Murray Street,” Bea replied, feeling a little awkward now it was just them and no one else nearby.

“Alright.”

He shifted gears and took a U-turn before starting to drive along the road, past the raucous party.

“Just a note – and please don’t take this the wrong way – entering cars with strangers is almost always a bad idea.”

Bea’s body froze. She hadn’t thought about that.

“I’m not going to do anything,” he said with haste. “I’m just warning you. You seem to be a person who makes a lot of bad decisions.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Bea said, easing up. “I’m starting to think coming here was the biggest one.”

“You moved far from home?”

“Sure. I’m not even in the same time zone as my parents now. But they were so happy I’d gotten into this school. I just want to make them happy.”

The man made a non-committed noise.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you a long way from home?”

“This is my home,” he said gravely.

“That must be nice. I miss seeing my mum and dad.”

He remained silent.

“What’s your name?” Bea asked.

“Loki.”

“That’s a weird name. Mine’s Bea.”

Loki laughed loudly.

“Bea? Like a bee?”

“No, like Beatrice,” she said as she folded her arms.

“Beatrice. How quaint.”

“Ugh, like your name isn’t stupid.”

“I’m named after a god,” Loki said smugly.

“Well, I’ve never heard of him,” Bea replied with a dismissive shrug.

“I can’t be held responsible for your ignorance. Ah – is this the place?”

Bea looked out the window to see they’d arrived.

“Yeah.”

She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned towards him, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Thanks. I have no idea what I would’ve done –“

“It’s fine,” Loki interrupted.

“Well. Okay. Bye.”

Bea opened the car door and gave a weak smile as she closed the door. He briefly looked at her, a short moment of eye contact was the only acknowledgement he gave. Bea watched him drive off into the night and wondered if she’d ever see him again.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki’s keys jangled as he pulled them from the lock and pushed the door to his apartment open. He shut the door behind him and sighed.

She was the most incredibly idiotic person he’d met in a long time. Incredibly idiotic with an incredibly idiotic name, with incredibly awful friends. She didn’t seem like a bad person so Loki had no idea how a girl like Bea had ended up associating herself with them. But so often the awful ones get the spoils and the rest are left to crawl along the ground, trying to grasp at what remains.

Well, Loki didn’t have to worry about her anymore. 

“Hey,” said a voice from further inside the dark apartment. Loki jumped.

“Gods, what are you doing?”

Loki hit the switch and the small living room lit up. Past the small kitchen area sat his roommate, Clint Barton, on a cheap sofa in front of the TV.

“I’m trying to beat this guy but he keeps putting my Pokemon to sleep. What a dick.”

Loki moved closer to see his DS console in his hands, eyes glued to the screen.

“Oh, what the fuck. Take this hydro-pump, you bastard.”

Raising his eyebrows, Loki assessed Clint’s attire. Still in the same pajamas as yesterday. His suspicion that something was wrong was as good as confirmed. Not that Loki was going to get involved; not unless he had to. Clint’s problems were Clint’s problems. That’s how it worked.

“You’re home early. Your charm wearing off?”

Loki scoffed. His reputation as something of a Lothario was grossly exaggerated.

“Hardly. Met a girl whose ‘friends’ were pressuring her into losing her virginity,” he said as he moved to get a drink from the kitchen.

“Wow. That’s fucked up. Wait, aren’t you into virgins or something?”

“No,” Loki replied emphatically. “And I’m hardly going to take advantage.”

“Uh huh. So she wasn’t hot then.”

“Clint,” Loki growled warningly.

“I’m joking, I’m joking! Geez. But that really is fucked up.”

Loki hummed in agreement as he took a glass from a cupboard.

“So what did you do?”

“What?”

“About the girl? Did you just…let her…?”

“No. I took her back to dorm.”

Turning on the tap, Loki filled his glass.

“Right.”

“I made everyone think I was taking her back to our apartment. Her friends won’t bother her now.”

“Oh. Uh. I mean…that was good of you but, uh…”

Loki frowned.

“What is it?”

“Yeah, they think she isn’t a virgin but they also think that she lost her virginity to you and remember last ti –“

“Yes I remember last time,” Loki snapped.

Clint stayed thankfully silent as Loki palmed his face. He thudded his glass against the kitchen counter.

“Loki? You good?”

“Yes. No. It doesn’t matter.”

“Just pretend to go out with her for a while. Man, that would be a sight. You, actually in a relationship.”

“Oh, like you’re doing much better,” Loki responded sarcastically. “I hope when I hear you say that woman’s name in the middle of the night it’s in your sleep and not in some other despicable act.”

Clint’s silence spoke volumes.

“Oh, no. Really, Clint? This is what you’ve become? For some woman?”

“Are the walls really that thin? What else have you heard?” Clint asked in a rush.

“This is sad. Very, very sad.”

“Fuck you, man. I hope you do fall in love. I hope you completely lose it over someone. I would pay to see that.”

“Is that what you are? ‘In love’?”

“Yeah,” said Clint confidently.

“Well, good luck. I’m sure she would kick your head in if she heard you say so.”

“I know. Isn’t that fucking hot?”

Loki shook his head, even while knowing Clint couldn’t see.

“I’m going to bed. Don’t masturbate too loudly.”

“I hate you. I hate you so much,” Clint said as Loki walked to his bedroom door.

Loki closed the door and fell onto his bed. He tried to figure out what to do with his predicament. Then he remembered something Clint had said and frowned.

 

They were going to be so proud. Bea packed her bag for the day with a bright smile. She couldn’t thank that man – Loki? – enough for last night. Bea was putting on her shoes when her phone started beeping. She picked it up and looked at who was texting her.

[9:14am From: Jemma  
OMG im so sorry. meet r and k in the park b4 class??]  
Texts from Bea’s friends were always vaguely cryptic but this was a whole other level.  
[9:16am From: Bea  
Ok c u soon]

She tucked away her phone in her pocket, took up her backpack and left her apartment.

It was a beautiful day with only the faintest reds and oranges tinging the leaves, the sure sign that autumn was on its way. The sun was bright and warm on Bea’s skin, and the sky was housing only the smallest wisps of cloud. Bea usually would’ve enjoyed it but she was nervous about why her friends wanted to meet in the park. In the morning it was nearly always cafes or the courtyard on campus; never the park.

The park was only about ten minutes away from the campus so students came there a lot. There were flower beds, large oak trees that had stood tall, and a fountain ringed with white marble. A statue of the college founder gazed at all who entered by the south entrance. His stern face and his pupilless eyes bore down judgement like an unforgiving father. Bea always made sure not to look at it.

Near the bluebells Bea saw her friends and rushed over to them.

“Hey,” Bea said in greeting.

They looked at her with sadness. It was very much not the happy expressions Bea had expected to see.

“We’re sorry,” Jemma replied.

“We didn’t know,” Rose continued.

“I mean, how were we meant to know it was Loki?”

“Wh-what’s wrong?” 

Bea felt entirely lost.

“Oh god, she doesn’t even know –“

Rose paused and looked downwards.

“Honey, Loki is bad news,” Jemma said.

“You’re okay? He didn’t hurt you?”

Fear was started to take precedence over Bea’s unease.

“Hurt me?”

“What he did to that girl –“

“Shh, don’t tell her that!”

“Bea, don’t talk to him. Don’t go near him. He seems all sweet and nice, but he’ll throw you away as soon as he’s finished with you.”

“He has a thing for virgins, doesn’t he? That’d explain it.”

“Loki didn’t seem that bad,” Bea said with uncertainty.

“Really? How was he this morning?”

“This morn…“ Bea started, confused, before remembering that she was supposed to be at his place last night. Her mind worked hard for a feasible explanation. “I couldn’t get to sleep, uh, afterwards so I, uh, walked back to my dorm.”

“So you haven’t seen him since?”

“Well, prepare for the let down.”

“I didn’t expect him –“ Bea started but was interrupted.

“Honey, it’s okay. We’re here for you. Rose, you’ll walk her to class?”

Rose, who took the same English course as Bea nodded.

“Come on, Bea.”

Bea went with her, preparing for the worst. If news had gotten around about her and Loki’s supposed night together then she’d have to brace herself for it.

 

Loki sighed. All the girls in his theatre class hated him now. It used to only be half. If they were doing ensemble work it was going to be terrible. One girl, and Loki recognised her as Natasha, came walked up to him. The love of Clint’s life, if his word was anything to go by. Not so much by hers.

“I just want you to know that I think you’re a horrible person. If you do anything like that to any of the girls here, I will end you.”

Her eyes, alive with anger, spoke louder threats than her tongue. Loki had always thought her eyes were a remarkably strong asset in her acting.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Natasha,” Loki said drolly.

“And tell your roommate to stop sending me poetry.”

“Is he actually doing that now? I’m sorry, but I have no power over him. If I did I would have stopped this nonsense long ago.”

Natasha narrowed her eyes, assessing him.

Loki simply smiled widely at her as the professor called everyone to stand in a circle. Once her attention was lost the smile fell rapidly into a frown.

 

Bea felt like crying. Everyone – and she meant everyone – were either giving her the most painfully sympathetic looks or casually calling her a ‘slut’ followed by a chorus of laughter. The contrast was so confusing, and added to it the way Jemma, Rose, and Kylie were constantly making her feel like she should feel worse was – well, making her feel worse. Bea felt like in acting like she had been with Loki she was beginning to get stuck in the emotions she imagined she’d feel. It was overwhelming but Bea kept it all under wraps until she had the opportunity to go and cry somewhere. She just needed to get it out of her system.

After her classes for the day were over she decided to go to the library. She wasn’t going to let it get her down. She needed to study and there were plenty of corners in the vast college library to hide in. It would be better than sitting in her dorm room stuck with the whirl of emotions inside of her. This was the best course of action.

On the way Bea saw Loki. Her first instinct was to run away and hide but instead she stood still. His eyes met hers and he strode over to her.

“Meet me by the park pond in ten minutes,” he said, speaking lowly in her ear. Before she could respond he had left.

The pond in the park.

It was an out-of-the-way corner of the park, secluded by trees and bushes. There was a wooden bench looking out onto the small pond but Loki wasn’t sitting. Instead he was standing with his hands in his pockets, tapping his feet.

“Loki,” Bea called out to him as she approached. He turned around and took in the very weary expression on his face.

“Sit,” he said, gesturing the bench.

Bea did so quietly. He joined her, lowering himself down slowly. He cleared his throat.

“I may have been overconfident in my plan from last night.”

“You think?” Bea said incredulously.

“It wasn’t my intention at all.”

“That’s great because today sucked. Everyone’s acting like I’m a victim and now I have to feel like that because I can’t just say, ‘oh I was lying about the whole thing’,” Bea told him before adding quietly: “I don’t think anyone would believe me anyway.”

“It hasn’t been easy on me either. So many students are looking at me like a pariah –“

“People are calling me things. Like ‘whore’.”

Loki looked surprised.

“Are they?”

“Yeah. And laughing about it.”

“Disgraceful. Shaming women just because they’ve slept with me.”

“I think the problem is just shaming women in general,” Bea said as she frowned at him with a disbelieving smile.

“No matter,” Loki said, dismissing the train of conversation completely, “I’ve come to offer a solution to our predicament.”

“And what’s that?”

“We pretend to go out. Pretend to date.”

Speechless, Bea watched him with widened her eyes.

“No one will act like I’ve been using you or broken your heart and you’ll have the added respect of having ‘tamed’ me.”

“’Tamed’ you?”

“I don’t get entangled in romance.”

“You’ve never dated anyone?”

“Not in the traditional sense.”

“Meaning…?”

“They thought we were, I knew we weren’t.”

Bea frowned as she stared at him.

“I can’t figure it out. Are you a good person? Like, can I trust you?”

“No,” Loki replied straightaway.

“Then you’re a bad person,” Bea concluded.

“No. I am neither. I’m just me. But there’s no deception in this proposal. I will pretend to be your boyfriend - maybe for two months. We just wait until all of this leaves everyone’s interest.”

“Two months?!”

“That’s what you’re concerned with?” Loki asked, amused.

“That’s commitment. We’ll have to be together a lot.”

“Indeed. Publicly, at least. I’m sure your company is pleasant enough but I much prefer my own.”

“Ditto,” Bea agreed.

“Well then - would you like to be my fake girlfriend?” Loki asked her with a charming smile.

“Sure, fake boyfriend,” Bea replied. She returned his smile in spite of herself. It was just such a bizarre situation.

“So, where were you off to before I lead you here?” Loki queried.

“To study. In the library.”

“Not the best for our public debut. Then again we wouldn’t want to appear too obvious,” Loki mused.

“I think there are more people go to the library than you think.”

“Perhaps. We’ll pass the study area; that should be enough. I don’t think hand-holding is necessary at this point, do you?”

Bea blinked.

“Hand-holding?”

“Yes, it’s a thing couples do,” Loki said in a mildly sarcastic tone.

“Yeah, I just hadn’t thought…”

“No kissing unless we’ve pre-arranged it. Nothing major for our first week, really. Maybe a hand over your shoulder, or around your waist…”

Bea was feeling her cheeks warm and hoped he couldn’t see her blush. She shouldn’t be this affected – they were just small gestures and it wasn’t like she really wanted him to touch her that much. Loki was good-looking but definitely too cold to ever actually want as a boyfriend – and right now he was almost coming across sociopathic.

“Bea? You’re ready?”

“Huh? Oh, sure.”

Bea stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Stand close,” Loki said as he started to walk his way to the library.

Once again Bea rushed to keep up. She really hoped this would work this time. She didn’t know what she’d do if it didn’t.


	3. Chapter 3

Passing the students had gone easily enough. Loki saw several out of the corner of his eye look at them with faces of recognition, then surprise. He was grateful Bea was being much less obvious than he’d expected. Loki had expected her to turn her head towards them every few paces but she threw not even one furtive glance. She was too nervous. She needed time to adjust.

They took the elevator to the third floor. He followed Bea’s lead as she turned to the right and into the room housing all the books. They walked past several rows of bookcases, laminated pages stuck to their sides with Dewey Decimal numbers printed on them. Peering at the books they were passing Loki wasn’t surprised to see they were in the literature section. They passed more than ten rows before Bea stopped suddenly and turned down an aisle.

Loki followed and found himself flanked by books on Shakespeare.

He waited until Bea had picked out all the books she wanted and followed her to a table. She set them down with a thud before taking a chair out and sitting herself down. Bea took out an exercise book and her pencil case, completely ignoring him. Annoyed, Loki decided to snatch up one of her books.

“Hey!” Bea exclaimed.

“Shakespeare’s Imagination,” Loki read from the cover. He slowly flicked through. “Oh god. It has a whole chapter on how Shakespeare uses the word ‘goose’.” 

“Loki, give that back.”

“The application of psycho-analytic methods to literary criticism…Now they’re just scraping the barrel.”

“It’s an interesting book, okay? Now give it back,” Bea hissed at him.

With a shrug Loki handed it over. She grabbed it from his hands.

“I’m trying to study. Go find a book to read.”

She turned her attention away from him once more. Loki wandered into the aisle they’d just been in and ran his fingers across the spines books. This wasn’t at all what he imagined he’d be doing today. It was boring. Bea was boring. For a moment Loki considered finding something to read like she had asked. That consideration was short-lived.  
Loki stroked the spine of one book with his index finger, curling the finger over the top of the hard cover and simply pulled. The book crashed to the floor, pages splayed. The sound had Bea looking up.

“Loki!”

“What? I didn’t do anything,” he said with a deceivingly innocent expression.

Bea just raised her eyebrows. Loki waited until she’d gone back to work before he tugged at another. It fell down with a similar thump. This time Loki stayed in position with his finger where the book had been, looking straight at her. Bea rushed up onto her feet.

“What the hell are you doing?”

She picked up the books from the floor and scrambled to find where they belonged.

“I’m just trying to amuse myself,” Loki replied as he moved his finger to hover over another book.

“No!”

Bea moved to bat his hand away.

“Why can’t you just read something? Like this here,” she picked out the nearest Shakespeare play and showed it to him.

“I don’t like that one,” Loki said.

“You didn’t look at it!”

“I did. It’s Much Ado About Nothing and I was in it last year. It’s like you hardly know me. Terrible girlfriend.”

“You were in Shakespeare?” Bea asked. 

Loki smiled at her awed expression.

“Of course. And will be again this year.”

Her eyes lit up with excitement much to Loki’s amusement.

“What play are you doing? Who are you playing? Oh – and what about last year’s –“

“As You Like It. I’m playing Oliver.”

“The guy who tries to kill his brother?”

“The very same,” Loki said seriously. 

“And then he just shows up later and suddenly becomes good?”

“Does he?” Loki asked.

“Doesn’t he? That’s what he says.”

“Mm, exactly. Maybe Oliver lies. What are his other options? Court’s no place for him, and doesn’t the appearance of repentance have the same result as the actual thing? It’s self-preservation. His marriage to his brother’s wife’s cousin – that cements his position. Oliver simply does what he has to.”

Loki watched Bea try to process what he’d said. He waited with interest for her response.

“You…Do you really think that? Do you think someone could live a life like that?”

“Who knows,” Loki said with a shrug. “Maybe he resigns himself to his fate. Or maybe one day he just snaps,” Loki paused to click his fingers, “and everything falls into chaos.”

“Wow,” Bea responded while looking entirely overwhelmed. “I’m looking forward to how your performance turns out.”

Loki laughed.

“Trust me, only you and I will know Oliver as he truly is,” he muttered close to her ear.

Bea stood dumbfounded.

“Sharing such things with you – I must be a good boyfriend. Hmm, maybe a good boyfriend would also say that you should be studying. It’s very important, you know.”

“But you were the one who distracted me in the first place!”

“Shh, Bea. We’re in a library,” Loki whispered.

Bea just shook her head and went back to her studies. Having had his fun, Loki picked up a book and sat near her. He read silently for the next few hours before taking Bea home. They exchanged numbers and Loki barely paused to watch her leave.

 

Bea toyed with her phone knowing she had to tell her friends she was ‘dating’ Loki. But she was tired. The day weighed heavily on her and her head was full of thoughts of Loki. He was weird yet intriguing; intriguing yet exhausting. Being in the library with him was like babysitting a small child that was somehow an interesting conversationalist. Bea hoped he wasn’t always like that.

She also couldn’t figure out how much of a womaniser he was actually supposed to be and she wondered exactly what the incident that everyone had been talking about was. Something to do with a virgin…something awful. Bea briefly considered asking Jemma but maybe Bea didn’t want to know. It would ruin this whole fake dating arrangement if she learnt something terrible about him. Bea preferred ignorance. Ignorance was nice.

Bea was abruptly shaken from her thoughts by the buzzing of her phone.

[8:18pm From: Loki  
Do you have classes tomorrow?]

Bea checked her schedule.

[8:25pm From: Bea  
Just one class in the morning. Why?]

[8:31pm From: Loki  
We’re going to a café tomorrow. I’ll meet you after class. When and where?]

Bea rubbed forehead. She really didn’t like it when he bossed her around.

She sent the details. Loki didn’t reply but Bea assumed he’d read it. He was so business-like about it all. Bea kind of hoped they could at least have fun with the whole boyfriend-girlfriend arrangement.

Bea yawned. She decided to go to bed early. She was sick of today.

 

A few people stared as Loki stood waiting at the door to the lecture hall. He sent his most charming smiles to the female students watching their faces change from desire to fear – or in a few, fear to desire. Loki grinned devilishly at a particularly short and timid girl and watched in amusement at her blush and increased walking speed.

The door opened beside Loki and he watched as the students filed out. Some noticed him but he ignored them as he patiently waited for Bea to show.

“Darling,” Loki said in way of greeting.

“Oh,” was all Bea said. It looked like she’d completely forgotten about the two planning to meet. Loki fought back a frown.

“Let’s go. I know just the café.”

Loki walked immediately in the direction. He heard her follow behind him before reaching his side.

“How was class today?” he asked sweetly.

“Pretty good. The lecturer was bringing up some interesting points about this novel we’re reading which I’m not sure I entirely agree with…”

Loki tuned out. He feigned interest and was grateful that Bea had provided something to talk about while on the way to the café. He smiled and nodded and knew they appeared like they enjoyed each other’s company.

 

“You know, I didn’t peg you for a tea drinker.”

“Well, I didn’t peg you for a coffee drinker.”

Bea took a sip of her cup of English breakfast. They were sitting in a small café that was near the campus and had high visibility to the street. Loki had insisted on this even though he admitted himself that the coffee was substandard. Bea was a little impressed with his commitment to the façade, though he was essentially putting her in the spotlight.

Bea had her phone on the table and couldn’t help but look at it every now and then. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to introduce her friends to Loki. Bea had to at some point, and preferably before they heard about it from another source.

Loki sighed.

“Are you going to text them or not?”

He looked annoyed. Bea bit her lip.

“I don’t know. I know I should but…you’ll be nice, right?”

Loki made a thoughtful noise.

“What are their names?”

“Jemma, Rose, and Kylie,” Bea told him. “They’re not all bad either, so be nice to them.”

Loki scoffed.

“No, all they did was try to force you to have sex with a stranger. They must be charming,” he responded sarcastically.

“They were nice about it when – you know, they thought you’d done…whatever.”

“Taken your virginity,” Loki said matter-of-factly.

Bea could feel warmth tickle her cheeks. She knew there was a bit more to it, but she didn’t press.

“It’s so stupid,” Bea said instead. “Why do people make it into such a big deal? And it’s not even quality. It’s like, ‘oh, you’ve done the bare minimum’ and then people act like it’s that big a difference and…”

Bea sighed. Loki looked at her curiously.

“You’re not ugly. Has it never come up?”

“Oh my god,” Bea exclaimed, looking scandalised.

“Well, has it?”

“You can’t say that to people. But…sure. I’ve done stuff, I just didn’t want to do…that stuff.”

Bea was feeling increasingly awkward. She never talked to anyone about this and now she was talking about it to a man she meant only two nights ago.

Loki nodded.

“I didn’t have sex until coming to university.”

“Really?”

“Then I had a lot of it,” Loki said smugly. “But I wouldn’t worry. Everyone thinks you lost your virginity to me anyway. Now the value of it only exists in your mind.”

Bea frowned as she took a sip from her cup. Loki was smiling a little to himself as he used a fork to take a bit of cake. Instead of bringing it to his mouth, however, Bea watched in confusion as he drew it near her mouth.

“Open wide,” Loki said as he pushed it closer with a ridiculously wide grin.

Bea shook her head.

“Bea,” he implored, “are you not going to let your beloved boyfriend feed you cake?”

“Loki, please –“ she whispered, looking around to see if anyone was watching.

Loki lowered his head so he could look up at her through his eyelashes and pouted ever so slightly. Bea realised that he was showing no sign of retreating so just to stop him, she moved her head forward and slipped the fork into her mouth. The chocolate cake was delicious but she was feeling so self-conscious that it hardly mattered.

“Don’t do that again,” Bea whispered.

Loki smiled sweetly.

“And please don’t do anything like that when you meet my friends.”

“Yes, yes. When will that be, by the way?”

He now was using the fork to eat the cake himself.

Bea sighed.

“Give it here,” Loki said, holding his open hand out for the phone.

“What? No.”

“I’ll write the message.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Then do it yourself,” Loki snapped.

Taken aback, Bea took up her phone in her hand and sent a group text as fast as she could before she could doubt herself. She pressed send and dropped her phone like it was on fire.

“Why are you so anxious about this?”

“I want them to like you,” Bea said. “I just need them to –“

Her phone was buzzing already. She looked at it.

“Oh god, they’re on their way.”

Bea glanced around as though expecting to find them there already.

“Hush. It’ll be fine. I’m here with you,” Loki told Bea reassuringly.

Loki quietly moved his chair over to hers. He was close enough now that Bea could feel the heat from his body as well as smell him. He smelt musky – with perhaps sandalwood and the barest trace of chocolatey sweetness. It wasn’t unpleasant.

“We’re going to sit close like this. They’re going to come in, you’ll say hi, then you’ll introduce us to each other. I’ll try to dominate the conversation after that. All you have to do is follow my lead. So don’t worry.”

“Sure. Okay. But make sure you’re nice to them.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“I’ll bear your idiotic friends. But don’t take it as approval of them.”

Bea wanted to talk back to him but in the corner of her eye she spotted Jemma and Kylie. They must have been nearby – probably loitering around campus.

Bea stood and waved, ignoring their startled expressions.

“Oh my god, Bea!” Jemma said, looking at Loki and then back at her.

Before Bea could speak she heard Loki stand up beside her.

“So you’re Bea’s friends,” he said in an unbelievably polite tone. “I’m sorry we had to meet in such an abrupt manner.”

“So are you two…” Kylie started.

“We’re dating.”

Loki’s met Bea’s eyes and smiled. An impulse came, unbidden, and led to Bea grasping his hand. Her nervousness had given way to boldness, and she didn’t want Loki to think she was completely inept at pretending.

Loki hid his surprise well.

“Do you guys want coffee? We’ve kind of already had ours,” Bea said awkwardly.

There was a short and silent exchange between Jemma and Kylie.

“I’ll go get them,” Kylie said.

Loki, Bea, and Jemma all sat down around the table.

“Where’s Rose?” Bea asked.

“Oh, she said she was busy,” Jemma stated dismissively. “So when did you guys become a thing?”

“Yesterday,” Loki said. “I didn’t get a chance to ask earlier.”

Loki smiled fondly at Bea.

“Wow. Bea, I’m so happy for you!”

Bea grinned and thanked her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Loki wear a somewhat grim expression.

“How’d it happen?” Jemma asked.

“I don’t know how to explain it. It was like…I was feeling something I’d never felt before. And it was because of her,” Loki responded. 

He was gazing sweetly into Bea’s eyes with a frankly too convincing sincerity.

“And he acts in Shakespeare plays, isn’t that great!” Bea exclaimed, trying to get rid of how uncomfortable Loki was making her feel.

“Sure,” she said sweetly, with a smile.

Kylie came over with their coffees and the four of them talked for a while. Loki indeed spoke a lot on behalf of Bea. She definitely felt like Jemma and Kylie liked him, which was all she’d really wanted from them meeting.

After fifteen minutes or so of idle chat Loki stood up after looking at his phone.

“I’m sorry, but I have a class to go to.”

“Oh,” Bea simply said.

“I’m sorry, darling. I’ll see you later.”

Jemma and Kylie said their goodbyes to him. Bea watched him leave, feeling like something was a little off.

“So – how big is he?” Jemma asked immediately, leaning forwards.

“What?”

“You know, approximately.”

Bea sat confused.

“Oh my god, Bea. His dick. How big is it?”

Bea’s face flushed and she stammered.

“I-I don’t know. Uh, maybe this big?”

She approximated a distance horizontally between two of her fingers. Bea didn’t want to make Loki seem small – it’d be rude to insult his manhood - but was careful not to go too overboard.

“Oh wow,” Kylie said.

“Damn. No wonder he got so many girls.”

“Not that he will now. I’m sure he’s settling down now,” Kylie added to Jemma’s statement.

Bea briefly wondered on that; was Loki just going to be celibate these next couple of months? Wasn’t that something important to him?

“I can’t wait to tell Rose,” Jemma stated, taking out her phone.

Bea smiled. Everything was going well. She just hoped Loki was okay.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki saw Clint sat in the park on a bench. He looked miserable.

“Clint,” Loki said as he approached.

Clint looked up.

“Oh hey, you came.”

“You provided an excuse to leave a boring conversation. And please tell me this isn’t about her,” Loki spoke exasperatedly.

“No – well, yes – “

Loki groaned.

“No, wait. Just sit and hear me out.”

Loki gave pause before deciding to join Clint on the bench. He left ample space between them. He regretted the moment he ever took the slightest bit of interest in Clint’s life.

“Alright, so I went to talk to Natasha –“

“She hasn’t gotten a restraining order yet?”

“Dude, not funny. I’m trying to not…Anyway, that’s beside the point. I get that you keep things from me –“

“I wish you’d do me the same courtesy.”

“- But you could’ve told me about that girl. You’re going out with her now? Seriously?”

Clint stared at Loki, studying him.

“We have an arrangement,” Loki said stiffly.

“I don’t know what that means. Is it serious, or like, just a game?”

“A bit of both, actually,” Loki mused.

Clint sighed quietly to himself.

“Just don’t break her heart, okay?”

“We have no interest in each other. Like I said, we have an arrangement,” Loki said before pausing. 

He frowned. 

“What has this to do with Natasha?”

Instead of looking at Loki, Clint’s gaze fell to the ground.

“Oh. She’s using you,” Loki state blandly, “And you’re letting her.”

“She’s not – okay, maybe a little bit.”

Loki watched Clint’s obvious discomfort. A strange world it was for a woman to pressure the man who loves her, who was bound to heartbroken, into making sure another’s heart wouldn’t be. Natasha must see the irony in that; Loki wouldn’t expect Clint to.

“I’ll let you meet her,” Loki said, feeling a modicum of sympathy.

“Great. When?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ll have to ask her.”

“We could have her over for dinner,” Clint suggested excitedly.

Loki raised his eyebrows.

“Could we? With our apartment like it is?”

“You’ve brought girls there before and never had a problem.”

“Yes, but I think if I bring my ‘girlfriend’ over the standards of hospitality should increase somewhat.”

“I’m really confused right now because I think you’re actually being nice to her,” Clint said, with his eyebrows raised.

“She makes tolerable company,” Loki said with a shrug.

“Oh my god. I think I’m hearing wedding bells, Loki.”

Loki’s lips tugged upwards into a playfully sardonic smile.

“No, Clint. I believe that’s your death knell.”

 

The week went by quickly, if only because of the ‘dates’ Loki insisted Bea and him should go on. A suddenly large amount of time was being occupied for her when she’d usually just be sitting by herself in her dorm.

They went for walks in the park on the sunny days. Bea managed to badger Loki into talking about acting in a production of Shakespeare, which he divulged wasn’t as glamourous as she seemed to think.

“Until that moment when we go on stage and after the moment we exit, we are just people rushing around, trying to keep track of our cues, our wardrobe changes, our makeup, and our props. It’s acting, it’s an illusion. A trick.”

Bea argued that that didn’t make Shakespeare any less real. Loki shrugged.

They also went to the movie theatre, purposefully buying tickets what looked like the worst film. Bea and Loki spent the entire time whispering jokes to each other. Loki was much more witty, making Bea try to stifle her laughter, but she was proud when she managed to make a comment that had Loki laugh as well.

It actually became enjoyable to spend time with Loki. Bea became used to being close to him and to holding hands when they walked down the street. She was fast considering Loki a friend and secretly hoped he felt the same way about her.

The biggest problem was just trying to balance out her time with Loki and her time with her other friends. Strangely whenever they did hang out it was only Jemma and Kylie – Rose was always curiously absent. It made Bea worry but Jemma assured her that Rose was just busy with family stuff. Bea resigned herself to trust Jemma and ignored the gnawing feeling that something wasn’t quite right. 

 

“For dinner? Are you actually going to cook?”

Bea and Loki were walking along the street, just having wandered around the local mall for an hour. Like usual, Loki had decided to just casually drop an idea and expected Bea to go through with it.

“We’ll probably get takeout. Unless my roommate actually decides to make something edible.”

“Oh, you have a roommate?” Bea asked with interest. “What’s he like?”

“What words describe him best…He’s a disaster, but decent.”

Bea had a feeling Loki’s description revealed more about himself than his roommate. She thought for a moment, biting her lip and frowning.

“Is tonight fine?” she asked finally. “For me to come over?”

Loki raised his eyebrows and turned to look at her intently.

“You’re intrigued by him?”

“Well,” Bea said, as she chose her words carefully, “I’m intrigued to see how you live.”

“How I live,” Loki repeated. “That’s a troubling phrase. I promise it won’t be that much of an insight.”

“Yeah, but you know when you first go over to someone’s house and it sort of has part of them there that you never see?”

“Mm,” Loki said as he took out his phone and padded his thumbs over the touch screen.

“Loki –“

He put the phone to his ear. Bea watched him in disbelief as he blatantly continued to ignore her.

“Ah, Clint. My girlfriend,” he said the word with a sarcastic inflection, “would like to visit us…Tonight? If it suits you…It’s in the broom cupboard. By the ironing board…No, not –“

Loki sighed.

“It’s not that important…Yes, I’m sure we can manage that. But please don’t cook.”

Loki listened a short moment longer before suddenly hanging up.

“Right. We’re going to the supermarket.”

“No, no – I was talking.”

“What?” Loki questioned, actually having the nerve to look confused.

“You took out your phone just while I was in the middle of saying something,” Bea said irritably.

“Oh, did I? Was it important?”

“Ugh, forget it,” Bea spoke. Her arms fell lifelessly to her sides and she avoided looking at him. Loki put his arm over her shoulder and drew her close to him.

“Don’t be sad. You get to choose pudding for tonight.”

“Ack.”

“That’s the spirit.”

Loki smiled and disengaged himself from Bea after a few paces. He took up Bea’s hand instead and begrudgingly she let him keep it.

 

Bea eyes eagerly took in as much as they could as Loki opened the door to his apartment. It wasn’t big, but Bea hadn’t expected it to be. The carpet looked like it hadn’t been vacuumed in a long time but someone had evidently tried to brush away the debris by the way some parts were cleaner than others. There was a small wooden table that didn’t look too worn down but the chairs around it definitely had seen better days. At the other side of the room a TV was showing some kind of game show. The voices murmured away in the background.

Taking a few steps into the room, Bea watched Loki walking purposefully to put his keys on a small table. It held a bizarre array of objects, including a small plastic toy soldier, a tube of lip gloss, and a pompom keychain. Bea wondered briefly if Loki kept mementos from all the girls he’d slept with, but the toy soldier was a bit of a wild card.

From the other side near the TV a man seemed to suddenly spring up, previously unseen from the back of the sofa.

“Hey! You’re back!”

“Oh, well done. You’ve put on clothes,” Loki said with apparent disinterest as he went into the kitchen.

Loki’s roommate approached Bea. He was indeed wearing clothes: a purple t-shirt and jeans. He looked a little worse for wear with the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his cheek he’d evidently forgotten to shave.

“Hi, I’m Clint.”

He offered his hand and Bea took it.

“I’m Bea,” she said as he shook her hand.

“Cool. So, how’s Loki? Not too bad?”

“He’s alright,” Bea said uncertainly. 

She knew Loki could still hear them. She was worried what Loki would think if he knew she actually enjoyed being with him. 

“I mean, he is doing me a big favour.”

“You’re grateful that you have to spend time with him?” Clint asked, voice going higher with disbelief.

“He isn’t that bad,” Bea said with an awkward laugh.

“Well, seems like he’s polite enough to not be himself in front of you.”

“You’ll have to excuse him,” Loki said as he approached them holding paper menus, “he doesn’t understand that I’m only harsh on him.”

“No, no – you should have seen the way he’d get rid of girls when –“

Loki coughed loudly.

“- yeah, Loki’s a stand-up guy who’s never done anything wrong,” Clint finished.

Bea tried to ignore Clint’s initial comment but it still made her heart sink. Loki had hurt people on purpose. It was a bitter pill to swallow because she enjoyed his company and he really didn’t seem like that awful a person.

“You’ve upset her,” Loki noted.

“Yeah, sorry for reminding her that –“

“No need to go over it.”

Loki brought their attention to the paper menus in his hand, all from various takeaway places nearby. He queried what Bea wanted as Clint pushed hard for pizza.

“I’m fine with pizza. Everyone likes pizza,” Bea said with a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes.

They talked through their options, Bea going along with whatever they wanted. Loki cast his gaze to her every now and then as they discussed everything.

Once they got everything sorted Loki drew out his phone from his pocket and phoned them. While Loki was occupied Clint started a quiet conversation with Bea.

“He really is being good to you?”

Bea nodded.

“Okay. If he ever does anything –“

“Do you think he will?” Bea asked quickly.

“He has a track record,” Clint responded uncertainly.

“He doesn’t seem that bad.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s good at that. Not seeming bad. Though I’ve seen him lay on charm and he’s not really doing that right now, so…Don’t worry too much?”

Clint scratched the back of his head.

“Okay, that’s not ominous,” Bea muttered to herself.

Loki hung up his phone and looked over to them.

“Well, what should we do while we wait?” he asked, ignoring the small tête-à-tête between Bea and Clint.

Clint decided they should all watch TV. The sofa was low but soft. Bea sat between Clint and Loki. Once again when asked Bea said she was fine with whatever they wanted. What ensued was a small argument between Clint and Loki about what show to watch. Eventually Bea grabbed the remote and changed it to channel neither of them were pushing for. Clint and Loki resigned to it.

About ten minutes in to watching a documentary about birds, Clint took out his DS and started showing Bea his Pokemon.

“Clint, she doesn’t care,” Loki drawled.

“Shut up. And this guy’s one of my favourites. I mean, I’m not one of those guys who just picks Pokemon based on their base stats, it’s more about strategy and choosing the best moves that suit the individual Pokemon, you know?”

“Clint, she doesn’t care,” Loki repeated.

“I guess I don’t have that well-rounded a team so I don’t do that great in player battles. But some Pokemon are totally OP for being in online battles anyway. That shit should be banned, man.”

“I’m very sorry. He doesn’t have many friends.”

“More than you,” Clint muttered darkly.

Bea’s lips twitched.

“You guys sound like brothers.”

They both turned oddly sombre, the playful mood between them vanished.

“No, not really,” Clint said, his eyes fixed on the console in front of him.

“Sisters then?” Bea suggested with a weak smile.

To her relief Clint pepped up a bit.

“I’d just go with roommates.”

“I see him more as a fellow lodger,” Loki said. “Our relationship is merely functional.”

“He likes to tell himself that,” Clint whispered conspiratorially to Bea. “But I think he secretly likes me.”

It was around ten minutes later that the pizza arrived. Loki went to go receive it from the delivery man, taking long strides across the room. As soon as it entered the room the delicious smell of mozzarella cheese and baked dough filled the air. Bea felt her mouth water as she approached the table Loki was putting the three pizza boxes on.

Clint brought plates from the kitchen and handed them out to Loki and Bea. They opened the boxes and chose the slices they wanted, thick gooey cheese often making it hard to separate one piece from the rest.

They sat and ate without talking, far too interested in consuming food. It was an oddly peaceful moment.

“So what do you study?” Clint asked Bea after his second slice.

“Oh. English.”

“Bea’s a Shakespeare nerd,” Loki said, wiping his fingers on a napkin to get rid of the grease.

Clint laughed.

“Dude, like you can talk. You practice Shakespeare in the shower.”

Bea put her hand over her mouth to stifle her own laughter.

“It’s part of my course,” Loki muttered darkly.

Bea looked over at Clint.

“What do you do?”

“Oh, I do archery,” Clint said dismissively.

“Really? That sounds cool.”

“Yeah. It’s alright. It’s not going too great at the moment, but…you know.”

Clint shrugged. His eyes fell to gaze at the pizza at his plate, avoiding Bea’s.

“I’m sorry.”

Bea shifted awkwardly and shot a glance at Loki, hoping he’d rectify the situation.

“Clint’s exaggerating. He’s doing fine,” was all he said, clearly dismissive.

Bea found it impossible to tell if Loki was lying or not. She supposed it wasn’t really her business to know anyway.

There was a painful silence for a minute or so until Loki decided to ask Clint and Bea if they wanted to watch a movie. Bea excitedly agreed. Clint seemed non-committal about it, complaining that he didn’t want to be the third wheel. Loki reminded him that Bea was only really his girlfriend when they were in public together so with a shrug Clint decided to join them.

Clint suggested watching Pirates of the Carribean and Bea eagerly supported this, telling them how much she loved watching it as a kid. Loki acquiesced with indifference and even though they were sat close to each other, Bea found herself missing the affectionate touches from him that she was so used to.

 

“She seemed nice,” Clint told Loki after Loki had dropped Bea back at her dorm. “Far too nice for you.”

“We’re not actually dating, Clint,” Loki said. He started tidying up the plates and the leftover pizza to put away.

“A bit dull, though.”

“On the surface, perhaps.”

“Yeah?”

“Her demeanour is false advertising. Beneath it…” Loki trailed off in thought. 

“I blame her friends,” he said decidedly. “She tries too hard to appeal to them.” 

“Sure.”

Loki could feel Clint’s gaze on him. He ignored it.

He finished putting away everything, and passed by Clint who was playing on his DS. Clint murmured a ‘good night’ which Loki returned on his way to his bedroom.  
Entering, he made to sit on his double bed. Loki unlaced his shoes, pulled them off and tossed them haphazardly onto the floor. 

He sighed. He felt pathetic. To miss holding someone close, to miss holding someone’s hand – he was losing his edge. These were such small and pointless examples of physical touch. Maybe the decision to not have sex for two months was a mistake. But there wasn’t anything he could do about it now, Loki thought bitterly. A thought, intrusive and unbidden, sprang into his mind: he could simply seduce her, use her, and cast her aside. Loki rejected it immediately. He’d put too much effort into this, and she didn’t deserve it. Not that all those girls he’d taken to bed deserved it…

Irritated, Loki lay back on his bed before taking up the book from his bedside table. He let his mind step away from reality, and fall into the world of fiction.


	5. Chapter 5

Loki sat to the side of the room, script in his hand and back to the wall. Some several metres in front of him his classmates were grouped in clusters, their voices and laughter reverberated throughout the room.

The girl he was supposed to be rehearsing scenes with was absent and he took advantage of this to spend time by himself. Loki didn’t feel like interacting with others but he guessed it was inevitable for Natasha to walk over to him.

She was playing the main role – Rosalind – and Loki had two scenes with her. He hoped that was her business with him.

“I know Isabel isn’t here, but what have you two talked about for the scene where you first meet us?”

Loki discussed it blandly with Natasha, all the while aware that she wanted to ask more about his relationship with Bea. They had a good back-and-forth for ten minutes before Loki tired of it.

“You can talk to her, you know,” Loki told her.

“Isabel?”

“Beatrice.”

It took Natasha a moment to realise who he was talking about. Unexpectedly, she smiled.

“I’m more interested in talking to you. How she feels about you is far less important than how you feel about her – or what you want from her.”

“What if it’s her who wants something from me? This could all be her idea. She could be blackmailing me,” Loki said in faux indignation.

“Oh, I have no doubt one of you is getting something out of this - I’m still not sure you’re capable of enough human emotion to have a genuine relationship.”

“Jury’s still out I suppose,” Loki told her with a shrug.

“Well, we may as well go through our lines,” Natasha said wearily. 

She sat down beside him and they read their lines out together. Loki appreciated how well Natasha could separate personal from professional. 

Once class ended Natasha stayed a moment with Loki.

“You know most of the class is going to the play tonight.”

“Oh, is that tonight?” Loki asked, perfectly feigning interest.

A few weeks ago most of the class had agreed to go see a play together. It was a local production with some of the previous graduates of the college. It was an original script and reading the synopsis Loki thought it sounded painfully dull.

“You could take your girlfriend.”

Loki didn’t let his displeasure show.

“Perhaps, though there’s every chance she won’t be interested.”

“Just ask her. I’ll sort out tickets,” Natasha said.

Loki took out his phone from his pocket.

“What shall I tell her? Should I focus on the play or the interrogation you will no doubt put her through?”

Natasha smiled.

“No interrogation. Just observation.”

“Of course,” Loki muttered, unconvinced.

 

Bea agreed to go with Loki even though she could tell he wasn’t excited about the play at all. His description of the play was ambiguous at best.

“We’ll be meeting Natasha there,” Loki had said while they were driving towards the theatre.

“Natasha?”

“She’s concerned I’m using you. Seems to care less about the possibility that you’re using me,” Loki mused.

“Oh. So I just act like I usually do when we’re together?” Bea asked.

“I suppose.”

“You usually just tell me to follow your lead. This is the same, isn’t it?”

Loki chanced a glance at her. 

“You don’t sound worried.”

“I think we’re pretty good at this now, or at least we’re used to being around each other,” Bea said, too scared to use the word ‘friend’. 

That Loki felt absolutely nothing about the time they spent together was something she couldn’t stand to be confirmed.

“I suppose you have a point.”

By the time the two of them arrived at the theatre there was already a large crowd gathered inside. It was a small building and the students from Loki’s drama class took up a significant part of the foyer. It became apparent to Bea that the audience would mostly be made up of them.

Bea clung to Loki like a shadow as he was casually greeted by some of the class. Loki was brief with most, and both Bea and Loki tired quickly of having the same conversation repeated every time he introduced her as his girlfriend.

“That’s Natasha,” Loki murmured into Bea’s ear, Bea then noticing a red-headed woman walking towards them in confident strides.

“Loki, you actually came. And you brought your girlfriend.”

Meeting Natasha’s eyes, Bea felt something like a specimen under a microscope. There was a coolness in her gaze, but everything else about her seemed inviting; self-assured, but kind.

“Yes, this is Beatrice,” Loki said, a fake soft smile emerging on his face as he took a sideways glance at Bea.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Bea told Natasha.

“You too.”

The pair smiled at each other politely. 

Bea moved on to quiz Natasha about the play, who provided more insight than Loki had. Apparently it was a coming-of-age story about an older teen who drops out of university. It didn’t sound particularly enthralling, but Bea figured it could be worse.

A handbell was rung to indicate that people should make their way into their seats. To keep him close in the crowd Bea held onto Loki’s hand. The ushers checking everyone’s tickets took a while but eventually they made it inside.

It was like a small movie theatre in its dimensions, only the seats looked less comfortable. They were a faded red with slightly worn cushioning but Bea found they weren’t too bad, as she took her seat next to Loki. They sat far to the left and quite close to the back.

“Isn’t everyone else sitting up at the front?” Bea whispered.

“Exactly.”

Bea frowned at him.

“I just imagined if we’re further at the back, and less people are paying attention to us that you’d enjoy it more.”

“Oh,” Bea said, surprised by his kindness.

“Though,” Loki added as he looked around at the empty seats around them, “I can also make fun of the entire play here without people getting needlessly offended.”

“That’s the actual reason, isn’t it?”

Loki shrugged but he was grinning.

“But that’s so mean! They’ve worked really hard on this play –“

“Shh, it’s starting,” Loki told her, actually putting a finger to her lips.

Bea felt something of a warmth in her chest but was soon distracted by the projected voices of the actors on stage.

She had to admit that some of the dialogue was stiff and clichéd. Loki somehow knew the most entertaining ways of twisting the character’s words and Bea had to really exercise strength in stifling her laughter as he murmured them to her.

The pair were smiling by the time the interval came around. They took their time making it back to the foyer.

“Do you want something to drink?” Loki asked her.

There was already quite a line in front of the concession stand.

“No, I think I’m fine.”

“Hmm. Are you sure? I might get a glass of wine.”

“I don’t know, maybe a soda then,” Bea said.

Loki nodded and started towards the line.

Bea turned to look for a seat but finding none available just situated herself to stand awkwardly by a wall. She got out her phone to see if she had any messages or anything to check, just to pass the time.

“Bea?”

The sudden voice startled her. Seeing it was just Natasha, Bea’s nerves settled down.

“Oh, hi. Loki’s just getting us drinks if you want to know where he is.”

Natasha shook her head.

“I just wanted to say something while he’s not here. If he does anything, don’t hesitate to come to me. Even if it seems small.”

Bea felt a little annoyed. Everyone seemed to constantly warn her about Loki, but it had been nearly a fortnight and everything was fine.

“I appreciate it, but I kind of have things sorted out,” Bea said politely.

Natasha looked unconvinced but dropped the subject. Instead she started talking about the play.

“Natasha, are you bothering my poor Beatrice?” he asked dramatically, handing over a cola to Bea.

Natasha’s lips twitched.

“Only for a moment. I hope you’re enjoying the play.”

She walked off, and Loki waited until she was out of earshot before he spoke.

“That’s the woman Clint’s in love with.”

“You’re joking!” Bea exclaimed.

“Obsessively in love.”

“How does he…I’m sure she’s nice, but she’s a little closed off, right?”

“I don’t pretend to understand Clint and what he makes of his life.”

“Good luck to him, I guess?”

Bea looked at Loki, who was sipping his wine.

“Sure. He could do worse.”

 

The second half of the play had Loki and Bea a bit more tried for entertainment. The two were tired, Bea even growing a little sleepy, and she rested her head against his shoulder.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he whispered.

“I won’t.”

Bea could feel his body move with his breaths, and the reassuring warmth emanating from him. She knew how Loki smelled, but with their closeness his scent filled her nose. It smelt like sandalwood, and slightly musky – but against his skin there was something else entirely that Bea couldn’t name. It was comforting. It was peaceful. 

In the end she did fall asleep. Loki nudged her awake during the applause.

“Oh no, I missed it,” Bea mumbled as she rubbed one of her eyes.

“You didn’t miss much. You’re to be envied not to see it, if anything.”

After the actors exited the stage, chatter started up amongst the audience as group by group they stood up and left the room.

Bea and Loki waited until most people were out before following. Entering into the night, they walked at an even pace to Loki’s car.

“Well, it wasn’t that bad,” Bea said, opening the car door and hopping inside.

“You weren’t awake for the last part. It was appalling.”

Bea shrugged.

“It’s over now anyway,” she said.

“Indeed,” Loki replied, fingers moving to turn on the car radio. “Pick a station.”

Bea felt under pressure suddenly in a way she knew she shouldn’t. With each channel, she glanced up at Loki to find a reaction.

“Just – stay,” Loki finally said, “just keep it on this one.”

He sounded slightly annoyed but at least Bea didn’t feel nervous anymore.

It was all the popular songs at the moment. Bea tried to hide a smile when she heard Loki softly humming along to a few of them. She started humming along too and at first Loki stopped. He joined in later, and obviously tried to ignore Bea’s smiles but she caught him more than once with a minute smile of his own.

Despite what Loki thought of the play, it had been a good evening.


	6. Chapter 6

Bea rushed to put on her shoes. She was meant to be meeting Loki at the cinema in town but had somehow lost track of time.

Bea practically speed-walked her way there. She was out of breath on arrival, but looking around she couldn’t see Loki at all. Bea frowned. She took out her phone to check the time and it was only five minutes until the movie started. It was odd for him to be late but it was odd for Bea to be late so she just went with it.

She flicked a short text to him, asking where he was, before going up to the counter and buying their tickets.

There was still no reply from Loki. The movie was starting. It was just the pre-show but Bea was starting to really worry. She decided to phone him.

The dial tone seemed to go on forever. Bea bit her lip. What if Loki didn’t answer his phone? Had something happened?

“Hello, this is Loki. If you’re hearing this I’m probably already dead. Leave a message if you want.”

Bea heard the beep and paused.

“Uh, hi. We’re meant to be seeing a movie, and you’re not here. I spent money on tickets so this is really rude of you. So bye.”

Bea hung up. She didn’t know how long she should wait for him. Anxiously she waited another five minutes before finally deciding to go see the movie: she had spent money on it after all.

 

 

The movie wasn’t too bad. It was a pretty standard blockbuster. Bea couldn’t help thinking what had happened to Loki. She tried to surreptitiously check her phone during the movie but felt bad about it just in case she was annoying anyone. Each time there was no new messages.

By the time Bea had to go back home she felt a little weary and sad. She felt forgotten and hurt. There was a slight worry as well that something had happened. If there had been some kind of accident she probably wouldn’t be the first to call. It would either be his family, or maybe Clint.

_Clint._

He’d given her his phone number, as he put it, ‘just in case’. Bea wondered if she’d be bothering him. Would she be coming across as being clingy? All Loki had done was miss a date to the movies. Though there was no doubt that Clint would be worrying as well if he knew Loki had skipped out.

Bea tried to think of some clever way to ask without Clint becoming concerned. She readied herself and walked towards the park so she wouldn’t be overheard and could concentrate. She found herself walking automatically towards where Loki and Bea had first decided to pretend to go out.

As Bea approached the small outlook onto the pond she was surprised to see Loki there – and even more surprised to see that he was not alone.

A woman, obscured by the shadows of the trees, seemed engaged in conversation with him.

Bea hesitated before deciding to hide behind a tree and try to listen in. She wanted to know why he’d stood her up. She knew he was probably going to keep this – whatever it was – a secret. Bea wanted to trust him but she didn’t want to be fooled by him. She wouldn’t allow it.

The pair of them were muttering low however and Bea could hardly make out anything.

“I can hardly say I’m surprised,” Bea managed to hear Loki say.

The woman’s voice didn’t carry well but Bea, straining her ear, heard pieces.

“Don’t act like…”

“…So will you…”

All of a sudden their voices seemed to stop. Bea chanced a peek around the trees and her eyes widened.

Loki and the woman were kissing – and not just normal kissing. They were all over each other, frantic hands pulling the pair closer.

The sound of their lips and their mouths moving against each other, the image of Loki’s fingers carding themselves through her hair –

Bea felt sick.

She wanted to run but she had to be careful. The safest thing would probably be to wait till they left but she couldn’t.

Bea treaded carefully until she was sure they couldn’t hear and all but ran back to her dorm. Tears pricked her eyes. Loki was meant to have been with her but instead he was with some other woman.

She didn’t know what she should have expected – of course he’d want someone on the side. They weren’t really dating anyway. Bea wasn’t going to put out so where else was he supposed to turn? Loki couldn’t suddenly go celibate.

It didn’t matter how many times these justifications raced inside her head. She still felt hurt, forgotten and betrayed.

Once in her dorm she simply walked to her bed and fell upon it. Bea turned her phone on silent and held one of her pillows close to her and allowed herself to cry.

 

 

_“Uh, hi. We’re meant to be seeing a movie, and you’re not here. I spent money on tickets so this is really rude of you. So bye.”_

Loki finished listening to the message and took his phone from his ear. He’d forgotten about their plans. He’d phone her later, Loki decided.

 

 

“It was kind of weird because it felt like he didn’t actually know anyone. Like, it wasn’t meant to be serious but…”

“Bea, you want another drink?”

“No, I’m good.”

For the first time Bea was drinking voluntarily. She didn’t know if her friends had honed in on that or not.

She was with Jemma, Kylie, and Rose in Jemma’s dorm room. Kylie was drinking cheap white wine in a thick plastic wine glass, while the other two were trying their best to make cocktails with whatever alcohol they could find around. The television was on some music channel but no one was really paying attention to it. There was too much to talk about to stop and watch.

The whole gang of them hadn’t spent time together in a while. Bea had been spending so much time with Loki, Jemma had gotten a job, and Rose had been dealing with unspecified personal stuff. Without a group of friends to hang out with, Kylie seemed to have made a hobby out of gossiping. Bea was hearing things about people she had never heard of.

Jemma sat on her bed and looked curiously at Bea.

“You doing good?”

Bea’s head moved fast to look at her.

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

She took another drink from her glass. She felt a little distant even though it was actually nice to be with all of them.

Bea just didn’t know what to think about Loki. They’d talked on the phone earlier that day, and he sounded so normal. There was nothing that suggested that he’d been with another girl. His excuse sounded so sincere, so real. Loki was so good at lying Bea almost questioned if it had even been him in the park yesterday. Maybe she’d just been mistaken.

“Is it Loki? What did he do?” Kylie asked with interest.

“No, he didn’t do anything,” Bea said, faking a smile. “I just…”

“You don’t like him anymore?” Rose asked.

“The sex isn’t good anymore?” Jemma asked.

Bea laughed nervously. She didn’t know if she wanted to go into it, but she wanted to at least vent a little. Bea’s head felt like a mess and whenever she thought she was doing fine, the thought of Loki would make her heart plummet.

“No – uh, the sex is fine.” Bea couldn’t help the blush she could feel reddening her cheeks. “And of course I like him…”

“Oh. He isn’t as into you?”

Bea shrugged.

“Some guys get a bit weird when you get closer to them. It’s like, they’re insecure about feeling things?” Jemma suggested.

That had Bea thinking.

“Or try anal,” Kylie said.

Everyone turned to look at her.

“What? It’s not that bad when you get used to it, and guys go crazy over it.”

“Is that how you stayed with Jake for so long?” Rose questioned cynically.

“Hey, Jake was totally into me. I think he dumped me because of something I did when I was drunk…”

Kylie’s mind wandered away from the conversation.

“Well, screw guys. Let’s just drink!”

Bea smiled and agreed for once.

 

 

The ringing was harsh and grating. Bea squinted her eyes open. She was on the floor with a pillow under her head but she didn’t give herself time to think about that. Instead Bea fumbled around to find her phone and quickly picked up the call.

“Hello?”

“Did I wake you?”

Bea could hear the slight laugh in Loki’s voice.

“Yeah.”

She tried to sit up and nausea overcame her.

“Oh god,” Bea muttered.

“Beatrice?” Loki asked, concerned.

“I – I’ll call you back in a minute?”

Bea hung up after a moment’s hesitation. Thankfully she knew where the bathroom and rushed past Kylie and Jemma, who had passed out on the bed.

After emptying her stomach, and taking a glance in the mirror to see how bad she looked (a bit pale and tired) Bea walked back to pick up her phone. She dialled Loki’s number and stepped out of the dorm, walking outside so she could talk without bothering anyone and without hopefully being overheard.

“Are you alright?” were Loki’s first words.

“Yeah, sorry. I drank a bit too much last night…”

Bea paused awkwardly.

“You were drinking?”

“Sure. Just with my friends at one of their dorm rooms. So you know, I didn’t sleep with someone and kind of…fake-cheat on my fake-boyfriend,” Bea said with a nervous laugh.

“Wise move. I don’t think your friends could take you having a better sex life than them – no matter how hypothetical.”

Loki had barely paused. If he thought her comment accusatory he was keeping it to himself.

“They do better than me. At least, Kylie does, I think…”

“You’re still spending time with them,” Loki stated.

“Yeah,” Bea said with a sigh. “I know you don’t like them…”

“They don’t respect you. Peer pressuring you into drinking –“

“No, last night was my decision. _I_ decided to drink. I don’t just do what they tell me to,” Bea said hotly.

She heard Loki mutter something indistinguishable.

“That’s not why I phoned you. I truly am sorry I missed seeing the movie with you. Perhaps we could meet at a café and you could tell me all I missed? I’m sure seeing it through your eyes will be just as insightful as seeing the film itself.”

“Sure, okay.”

“Shall I pick you up at your dorm around one?”

“Two,” Bea told him, concerned about her hangover.

“Good. I look forward to seeing you.”

“Bye,” Bea said weakly.

She hung up.

She didn’t know what to do. She was sure he was lying. But what could she do about it? Bea could confront him. That could go so many different ways. It could break up this fake relationship they had going on and Bea didn’t want to lose that. On the other hand it was maybe a little strange that Loki was keeping this from her. They weren’t really dating after all. It wasn’t really cheating.  Why shouldn’t Loki tell her? Maybe he thought she couldn’t handle it, or that it was something personal that Bea didn’t need to know about. Because what were they? Not lovers. Friends? Neither of them had said so.

Bea knew she had to say something to Loki because she was pretty sure she couldn’t live knowing he was lying. But maybe doing so when she was hungover was a bad idea.

She resigned herself to do nothing…for now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope people are enjoying this. Loveoo loveoo

Loki was an amazing liar. Bea was not.

It was hard to keep up the pretence as she shared the outline of the plot of yesterday’s movie. Bea lacked enthusiasm, and even after all the pretending she’d done with Loki, she couldn’t fake being happy.

“Beatrice, is something wrong?”

He sounded concerned. Bea shifted awkwardly in her seat.

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing I could help with at all?”

Bea pictured for a moment confronting him, and making him tell the truth – he _had_ been kissing that girl, he _was_ seeing her - but it was too much. Instead she just shook her head.

Loki’s concern was hurtful. He really meant to keep this from her, and he didn’t see anything wrong with it. Loki didn’t see how it could possibly hurt her, or maybe he didn’t even think about that. Maybe Bea mattered that little to him.

Bea cursed herself as her eyes began to water. She excused herself hastily and ran to the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and just stood in the small toilet area. She tried not to, but once the tears started coming she couldn’t seem to stop them. Bea tried to get them out as fast as she could. She couldn’t let Loki know something was wrong.

Squeezing her eyelids together, Bea tried to get all the tears out. She brushed them away with her hand and looked in the mirror. She didn’t look too bad. She flushed the toilet to keep up pretence as well as washing her hands with the liquid soap. It seemed like the kind of thing to do in case Loki was watching her closely.

Bea left the bathroom and came back to the small table. She smiled.

“Sorry,” she said as she sat down in her seat.

“It’s fine.”

She was surprised to see that his expression was now closed off.

“How are your classes going?” Loki asked.

Using a dessert fork, he toyed with a piece of banana cake. Bea had ordered the same and it was the most delicious cake she’d ever tasted in her life. She was belatedly realising that Loki had taken her to an incredibly up-market café. She didn’t dare ask how much this was costing him.

“It’s going fine. I get to study more with Rose, and she actually helps a lot. You remember Rose?”

Bea would be surprised if Loki did. He never paid much attention to her friends except to criticise them.

“Mm, she has brown hair?” Loki asked with disinterest.

“Blonde.”

Loki shrugged his shoulders and finally took a bite of his cake.

“What about your acting? You know all your lines yet?”

“Nearly.”

The pair paused awkwardly.

“Oh, and Clint. Is he doing okay?”

“Depends what you mean. Still obsessed with Natasha, still barely leaves the house.”

“Why is that exactly?” Bea asked, frowning.

“It’s complicated. Probably not my place to say.”

Bea felt annoyed. Loki was being distant, as though he didn’t really want to be there, or want to talk to her at all. She couldn’t work out what his problem was – and she was supposed to be the one upset with him.

They both ate their cake in silence.

After they’d finished, Loki took Bea back to her dormitory in his car. He stopped her just before she got out.

“I am sorry about not seeing that movie with you.”

Loki gave her a meaningful look.

“I know,” Bea replied, believing that part at least.

She opened the car door and got out. She didn’t look back at him as she walked to her room.

 

 

Loki threw his keys in the key bowl harder than usual. He needed a drink.

Upon entering the kitchen, he took out a bottle of vodka from one of the top cupboards and pouring a substantial amount into a glass. Loki added some ice tea from the fridge and a couple of ice cubes. It was the best he was going to get.

Loki gulped a mouthful as he walked into the lounge. As always, Clint was seated on the couch. He looked like he was doing some kind of hand exercises with a thick rubber band. It would have intrigued Loki in any other mood. But today he couldn’t care less.

“Hey, are you drinking my ice tea?” Clint asked with a frown.

“And your vodka,” Loki replied nonchalantly.

He took another gulp.

Clint turned around to give Loki his full attention.

“Okay, okay. So…?” Clint asked.

“So?”

“Something happened, didn’t it? Aww, did you have your first fight with Bea?” Clint teased.

Loki rumbled a groan of annoyance.

“No. And you do realise we’re not really dating, don’t you? Like I’d go for a stupid girl like her.”

Loki knew he sounded bitter, but he was past the point of caring.

“Okay, I mean, you seemed to think she was alright earlier…so, fight or not, something’s happened. You want to talk about it?”

Clint was being annoyingly emotionally mature. Loki downed his drink.

“I’m making another.”

Loki returned a few minutes later. His new drink had much more vodka - he could taste it as he swallowed it down. Loki walked over and sat down on the sofa. He slouched moodily.

“So?” Clint asked as Loki remained silent.

“Women.”

Loki took another drink and once again failed to elaborate.

“Yeah, women. What about them?”

“Insufferable. I forget one little thing, and now Beatrice acts like it’s the end of the world.”

“One little thing, huh? What was it?”

“I forgot to show up to see a movie with her. _Once._ ”

“Well, I’d be kinda upset if you’d stood me up.”

Loki scowled.

“What was your excuse?”

“I didn’t have one. But I wasn’t uncaring. I took her out to - do you know Victoria’s Twin? The café?”

Clint’s eyebrows rose.

“Wow, yeah.”

Loki took another sip of his drink. He was starting to feel a little bit looser, but not much.

“Told her something flattering, apologised, and part way through she wanders off to the bathroom for ten minutes. Comes out, eyes red from crying. Refuses to admit there’s something wrong. Oh, and she voluntarily got drunk with her friends the night before.”

Clint was watching Loki carefully.

“Well…Maybe it sounds a bit like an overreaction,” Clint said slowly.

Loki hummed in agreement.

“But maybe that’s not it. Maybe she’s upset about something that isn’t even to do with you?”

Loki considered it.

“Then it’s inconsiderate of her.”

Clint looked at Loki in disbelief.

“We have to look like we’re a happy couple. If Beatrice won’t, this entire thing will fall apart.”

Loki paused.

“Maybe it should. Maybe we should end this, if she’s going to be such a bitch-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Loki, you need to take a breather or something.”

Loki glared at Clint.

“Go do some Shakespeare. Or watch some shitty TV.”

Loki gulped down the rest of his drink.

“Or…Get really drunk. I’m all about unhealthy coping mechanisms,” Clint mumbled.

“Women just take and take, don’t they? So emotional. As soon as there’s any kind of trouble they just break down and expect you to deal with it - call you immature or distant if you don’t. They don’t realise that they’re the immature ones. Can’t deal with their problems on their own -”

“Okay, Loki. Let’s watch a movie. One about guns or swords. What do you feel like?”

Loki paused.

“Swords,” he said quietly.

“Alright. Swords it is.”

Clint fumbled around in their DVD pile before finding what he was looking for. A few minutes later they were both quietly watching the opening to Yojimbo.

 

 

Clint probably should have stayed out of it, but hey, he was worried. He had never seen Loki like that. Mostly because Loki wasn’t really a sharer. An internaliser, Clint thought it was called. Keeping things all bottled up to themselves. Though Loki could definitely externalise when he wanted to.

It was just that Bea had been a good influence. Loki wasn’t as moody, he had more energy now he wasn’t having sex every other day, and not waking up to Loki shooing out crying girls was a plus. Clint kind of liked Bea as well, though he still maintained that she was way too good for Loki. Way too good. Maybe he should be telling her to just forget Loki, but somehow Loki wasn’t making her life terrible. Except for maybe whatever _this_ was.

Clint had this feeling, which he ignored, that tailing a girl around wasn’t a great idea. It wasn’t stalking if you did it with honourable intentions, right? Spies don’t stalk. Spies spy. That was obviously what Clint was doing. He was being a spy.

He followed Bea to one of her classes. That was a long hour of doing nothing. Then Clint tailed her down the block, and saw her meet up with a few girls. He assumed they were Bea’s friends. They all went to an ice cream parlour and Clint decided he wanted ice cream too. He followed them in but sat with his face turned in the other direction. He got to see them in a reflection from the glass window of the store front. It wasn’t the best, but at least he could keep an eye on them.

Chocolate cookie dough ice cream was definitely a good choice. Ten out of ten. He wondered what Bea chose. Mint chocolate chip – if he was a betting man, that’s what he’d go for.

It was twenty minutes before Bea and her friends decided to leave. Clint once more followed them out, before he was suddenly face-to-face with the last person he expected - Natasha.

“Clint,” she said in way of greeting.

“Uh, yeah, hi.”

His heart picked up pace. God, she was beautiful. That familiar feeling stirred in Clint; Natasha made him feel so nervous, but so blissful. He just wanted to bask in her glow forever.

“You’re out by yourself?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah.”

Clint looked over Natasha’s shoulder.

“Am I keeping you from something?”

There come times in life where you have to make a decision - a decision that defines who you are and who you will become. This probably wasn’t one of those times, but it sure felt like it to Clint.

Clint could stay. He was actually having a conversation with Natasha that he hadn’t initiated. This could be it: the moment where Natasha realises that he isn’t that bad.

Clint wanted to stay so badly. But if Clint didn’t follow Bea, he had no idea what would happen. He had to talk to her, for both her and Loki’s sakes. Clint heaved a sigh. Being a good friend was hard.

“Yeah, uh, yeah. I’ve got to go. Sorry. Nice seeing you!”

Natasha raised her eyebrows and murmured goodbye as Clint quickly raced past her.

He hurried down the street, dodging through the other pedestrians, trying to find signs of Bea. At an intersection he became confused - three possible directions and Clint had no idea which. He walked to the left and peered down the left street. Clint couldn’t see her at all. He crossed the road and kept looking side to side until abruptly he heard a voice.

“Clint?”

Clint turned around and saw Bea, now by herself, just a few metres away. She waved and sent him a small smile.

“Hey,” Clint said, walking towards her.

“I haven’t seen you in a while. How are your Pokémon?”

Too good. She was way too good for Loki.

“Yeah, they’re doing alright. I’ve had to make a few changes to my team. What about you? How’s the Shakespeare?”

“Oh, it’s good. It’s good.”

“Where are you headed anyway?” Clint asked.

“Just to…Well, I’m looking for some place new to study.”

“You don’t like the park?”

Clint saw something flash across her face.

“Like I said, some place new.”

She was smiling again and Clint was quickly recognising it as her fake smile.

“There’s a cemetery near here. I used to go there when - well, when I needed to be by myself.”

Clint rubbed the back of his neck.

“That sounds good, actually,” Bea said after a moment’s thought.

“Cool, I can take you there. It’s only about ten minutes away.”

Clint began walking down the street to the left, Bea following by his side.

“I’m not keeping you from anything?” she asked.

“Nah,” Clint said as he put his hands in his jeans pockets. “I mostly get out just to be out.”

“Oh, okay.”

Clint couldn’t think of anything in particular to talk about, so he just said whatever came into his head. He didn’t want to mention Loki, which was difficult seeing as that knowing him was the biggest thing they had in common, but somehow Clint managed just by talking about bad reality TV.

 

 

“…And then a succubus tried to make a move on him or something? It was a real weird episode.”

They were nearly at the cemetery. Bea was surprisingly interested in hearing about paranormal shows.

“When I was a kid we used to sneak into haunted houses,” she revealed.

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, me and my friend. Other kids would dare each other, and the first time I think it was because of a dare, but then we just did it for fun.”

“Whoa. That’s kind of intense.”

“One time it turned out the house wasn’t abandoned though. There was an old woman living there. That was probably the scariest moment. We ran all the way home and just didn’t stop till we made it back.”

“People are scarier than ghosts, huh?” Clint muttered to himself.

Bea was smiling and Clint felt good about that until he remembered he was going to have to bring up Loki at some point.

“Oh, hey, we’re here.”

The cemetery wasn’t very big but it was well-kept. The headstones lined up in rows, some reaching high enough to be at Clint’s hip, and some so small they only made it half-way up his calf. The etchings were slightly faded and the dates read to at least a century ago.

A few tall birch trees stood tall several rows down, yielding slight shade from the sun. It wasn’t a terribly hot day but Clint guessed it’d be a nice place to sit and study. Bea seemed to be walking that way automatically.

“Didn’t you find this depressing?”

“Huh?” Clint asked, not really paying attention.

“You said you used to hang out here. Was it weird?”

Clint pondered for a moment.

“Nah. Never really thought about it. It’s just a quiet place, you know? And further down past those trees you can see the next town over in the distance. I liked that. Makes you feel bigger than it. Like you matter. I don’t know.”

Clint tailed off awkwardly. He hadn’t been here for months.

Bea thankfully didn’t ask any more questions and just sat down beneath one of the trees. She took out some of her books.

“Can I sit?” he asked her.

“Sure, if you want.”

Clint sat down on the grass. He peered at her books.

“Have you ever read Shakespeare?”

Clint shrugged.

“Some random stuff. You know, when the teacher gets the class to read it out loud. I’m not big on it. Went to see Loki in a play last year though. He was pretty good.”

It was hard to miss the way Bea responded to Loki’s name. It was nearly a flinch.

“How are you guys, anyway? He seems kind of upset.”

Bea then shocked him with an angry glare.

“ _He’s_ upset? What on earth is _he_ upset about? I’m the one who he’s –“

She stopped suddenly.

“Has he…done something?” Clint asked with caution. Something wasn’t right.

“I can’t. I can’t tell you, because you’ll tell someone else, and –“

Bea swallowed thickly.

“Okay. Okay. What if I promise not to tell anyone?”

Her eyes were wide and pleading. Clint started to think he was in way over his head.

“No one. Not even Loki.”

“Okay.”

“Really, truly don’t tell anyone. Do you promise?”

Clint mentally prepared himself.

“Alright. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

Bea paused. Then she said something that made Clint turn cold.

“Loki’s sleeping with someone.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's left comments and kudos. You guys are great :]

Clint’s face fell. Bea could see him processing what she’d said.

“Fuck.”

He stood up and rubbed his face. Bea watched him carefully. With the words out there, it felt more real. It was frightening; Clint could change things.

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I mean – don’t take this the wrong way, but how do you know this for certain?”

“Well, I saw him kissing someone. You know, like a proper kiss. Not a small one.”

Bea shifted awkwardly. She hated having to re-imagine it.

“Okay. So Loki might not be sleeping with her. This could be, uh, not as terrible.”

“Clint, would Loki do that? Would he kiss someone and not take it further?”

“Fuck,” Clint muttered quietly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I just thought that maybe Loki wouldn’t be such a fucking dick this time.”

“It’s not your fault. I mean, we’re not even dating. He can do what he wants, technically,” Bea said, looking down at her lap.

“You can still feel betrayed. I don’t know what there is between you two, but there’s something. When people do something they say they won’t, that hurts. That really hurts,” Clint said, his voice fading into something softer.

“So what do you think I should do?”

“Probably talk to him. I don’t know what else you can do. Are you sure you don’t want me to say something?”

Bea shook her head emphatically.

“This is about Loki and me. I don’t want you dragged into this.”

Clint took a moment before agreeing.

“Well, I hope this is not as bad as it seems.”

 

 

Bea wondered if she should have really said anything to Clint. She was pretty sure he wouldn’t tell anyone but she knew he’d find it hard to just sit still and keep his mouth shut.

Loki didn’t call or text the next day. It was making Bea antsy. She wanted to be stubborn and decide not to talk to him unless he talked to her first – but that was childish. This was too important to be childish about.

The longer she sat in her room, trying to do school work, the more she thought about telling Loki what she’d seen. They’d have to talk somewhere private, but not Bea’s dorm room. It would have to be Clint and Loki’s apartment; she didn’t want to risk people overhearing or seeing them, even if they did find a nicely secluded spot.

Then there was the point of what she would say. Bea could see herself standing there in the middle of the lounge with Loki’s tall figure looming over her. She imagined saying the simple words – ‘we need to talk’ – or maybe ‘I need to talk to you’. Maybe add ‘I need to talk to you about something’. Or would that make it seem too casual? Maybe casual was best. Bring it up like it didn’t matter. Just say that she saw Loki with another girl by the lake. Nothing else, no accusations, just leaving it open for him to admit or deny. Bea’s only problem was that it downplayed how she felt. If Loki was smooth at dismissing it, at coming up with an all too convenient explanation, then there’d never be that sense of ease. Unless she brought up her real feelings it would only make things more difficult later on.

But Bea was terrified. There was almost nothing more terrifying. She had no idea how to form the words in her head, let alone say them out loud. Despite what Clint said, feeling betrayed and hurt from Loki doing what he really had every right to do wasn’t logical. It wasn’t fair to Loki. There was never part of their agreement that said they were anything but two people spending time together. In fact, their entire relationship was based on them only spending time so they could _pretend_ to mean something to each other. _Pretend_.

Bea sighed and ran her hands through her hair. She checked her schedule on her phone and saw she had a morning class but the rest of the day was free.

Her fingers hesitantly found Loki’s number. Bea inhaled sharply and pressed the call button before she could talk herself out of it.

It only took a few rings for Loki to pick up.

“Beatrice, how lovely. Are you feeling any better?”

“I, uh…sort of. Um, I was wondering…”

“Yes?”

“Do you have any spare time tomorrow afternoon?”

Bea heard Loki inhale sharply.

“I’m busy, unfortunately. Is it important?”

He was sounding dismissive but Bea was determined.

“Yes. If you’re only busy tomorrow afternoon can I come see you in the evening?”

Loki paused.

“I’m sure I’ll be free by then. May I ask what this is about?”

“No, I kind of need to talk in person.”

“Okay,” Loki said slowly. “I’ll see you around five. Unless you want dinner beforehand.”

Bea took a shaky breath.

“No, I – I don’t mind.”

“Come at five then. And Beatrice?”

“Yeah?”

There was a few seconds silence.

“Never mind. I look forward to seeing you.”

“Bye.”

Bea hung up. She was curious about what Loki had been about to say. Probably nothing. Now she just had to try and settle her nerves long enough to sleep and make it through tomorrow. It wasn’t going to be easy.

 

 

Clint sat on a bench in a hooded jacket was wearing a baseball cap that shaded part of his face. He was right by the university courtyard and near where he knew Loki’s acting class was.

He was waiting once again. There was a good chance he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t just sit around not knowing the exact situation. Since Clint had promised not to mention it to anyone he’d reverted to what was now seeming like a good career choice for him – spying.

The class ended around midday but Clint wanted to be absolutely sure he was on Loki’s tail. Therefore he’d shown up near where the students would pass on their way out probably at ten o’clock.

He waited two hours. Two long, tedious hours. Whatever anyone else said about him, he was good at keeping focus when the occasion called for it. He guessed archery had helped with that.

But Clint couldn’t think about that right now. The once peaceful silence was now full of chattering as the acting students piled past. Clint registered Natasha’s red hair and he yearned to follow her. He ignored it best he could. Soon after Loki strolled past. Clint started to tail him.

Clint kept further back than with Bea. If Loki was doing something he shouldn’t be he’d obviously be more on edge, more weary. Thankfully there were enough people walking around to help Clint blend in easily.

Loki had been walking for about ten minutes before he suddenly stopped to check his phone. He didn’t look particularly pleased by whatever was on the screen but carried on a moment later.

They passed the college library and moved further on to the park. Clint gave a sigh of relief. Heaps of students spent their afternoons there. Clint would blend in fine. He walked in parallel to Loki, several metres apart, and paused every now and then to pretend to look at the flowers. They were nice flowers. Clint had seen them before but he didn’t know their name. He then moved along quickly as he realised Loki was exiting the park. It was a steep slope from that side of the park back to the road. It really didn’t suit following someone but Clint decided to walk close to a group of students just in case Loki had noticed him.

Loki then did something that was a little surprising.

Taking a left took you to the streets with the cafes, restaurants, cinemas, and clothes stores; but to the right took you somewhere a bit seedier. The buildings were concrete and grimy, and Clint knew it was where a couple of brothels were as well as where most of the drug dealers selling harder stuff worked. It probably didn’t seem too bad to people who didn’t know all of this – it just came across like a poorer area of town - but once you did know it changed the atmosphere.  Clint therefore felt rather uneasy following Loki through it. There weren’t many people walking around and if Clint had to avoid Loki he’d have to duck down an alley or into a shop.

Clint tried to think for a moment about where they were in relation to the rest of town. He wondered what streets they were by, what reference points he knew. Loki had actually thrown a surreptitious glance at Clint so now he was considering his options.

He backed up against a wall and decided to watch which way Loki turned at the end of the road. It was a risky move but to keep following when Loki could be suspicious could be even riskier.

Loki turned left.

As fast as he could, Clint ran down the nearest alleyway and tried to use a level of parkour he hadn’t since he was a teenager. He ignored the stench of garbage and urine and climbed over a wire fence. He struggled a bit getting over and stumbled as he fell, but got up fast. Thankfully there wasn’t anything else in the way, except he heard a dog barking to his side which made him run faster than was probably necessary.

He was out of breath when he got to the other side. Clint looked quickly to the right to see Loki still walking along that street. Clint tried to take a slower speed, so he could catch his breath, but he was too scared to lose Loki. He ended up jogging a little to catch up and just in time to see him entering a building. Clint frowned as he reached closer and saw it was a hotel.

He was filled with a deep sense of unease. He was contemplating going in but he waited at first. It was ten minutes before Clint saw someone who definitely looked college age enter. Clint took deep breaths to keep himself calm. He needed evidence. He also needed to punch Loki in the face – but mostly he needed evidence.

Clint crossed the road and walked into the hotel. It was small and humble, but didn’t come across as overly cheap - pretty mid-range. Loki must actually be spending reasonable amounts of money for this.

Clint approached the receptionist.

“Hey, do you have any spare rooms?”

The woman at the desk looked up at him, smiling like she’d be trained to.

“For tonight? Let’s see…”

“No, uh – I just got into a fight with my roommate, and I stayed up late last night. I kind of need a place to stay right now?”

The receptionist sighed.

“Did they tell you about us? I know we’re near a bad area, but we don’t want that kind of reputation. This is meant to be a family friendly hotel, and if all you want is –“

“Okay, okay, okay,” Clint said quickly. “I understand, I understand.”

“Good,” she said, straightening herself up.

Clint’s eyes were suddenly attracted to a rack holding up keys. They were all the numbers of the rooms, and the ones missing were 14, 12, and 3.

“Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. I can try and talk to them and get them to go elsewhere.”

Her eyes went wide.

“Oh, no. No, they come around regular enough that I don’t mind having just one. I don’t know why he puts up with her. Seems a bit pushy to me.”

Clint was surprised. Regularly seeing the same girl seemed odd.

“Well, thanks for your time. Sorry about – you know, trying to…”

He gestured vaguely with his hand.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find somewhere else.”

She smiled wide and Clint left.

Clint exited and moved off to the side so that the receptionist could no longer see him.

14, 12, 3.

The hotel was small with two-stories. It was rectangular and rather simple, and Clint guessed there weren’t that many rooms. He could probably figure out which one Loki was using but he’d have to be quick about it.

Clint snuck by the side carefully, trying not to garner any attention. He looked up at the windows. Quite a few had the curtains drawn and Clint’s heart sank as he realised that Loki wasn’t an idiot; he would shut the curtains too. Still, Clint made his way along the outside of the hotel on the off chance that he’d find Loki.

Second floor. Clint saw movement. He got out his phone quickly as he watched.

The curtains obscured Clint’s vision but Loki’s silhouette was unmistakable – as was the silhouette of a woman. There was kissing. There was groping, and Clint didn’t want to stay around for more than that so he took a quick photo and speed walked back to the street.

Clint was angry. He was angry at Loki for doing this to Bea, he was angry with Loki for doing this to himself, but most of all Clint was just angry that he’d let Loki get close to Bea. The regret bled right through him. Clint could have stopped this. Clint could have done so much but he’d just sat back and let it all happen.

He sat on the pavement by the road, head in his hands. He stayed that way for a long time.

At last, Clint took a few deep breaths and stood up. He could catch a photo of them leaving. If he found out who the girl is he could tell her just how much of a bastard Loki really was.

Clint walked back and stood to loiter on the street near the hotel but he didn’t have to wait long at all before Loki and the mystery woman walked out. Clint reacted quickly. He took a few photos lightning fast before turning and walking away. He couldn’t look at Loki right now – not without wanting to punch his face in.

He put his hands in his pockets and walked away, deciding not to go back to the apartment until he’d calmed down enough. He guessed he should probably send the photo of the girl to Bea. She’d have evidence then.

Clint shook his head. It was all so fucked up.

 

 

Anxiety had risen high in Bea’s chest by the time Loki’s apartment was in view. She tried to control her breathing, tried to stand up taller to boost her confidence. Her heart beat was thudding so loud she could hear it in her ears. With steely determination Bea kept walking.

She stopped just as she reached the door and took out her phone to check the time. Bea didn’t want to be early. It was a few minutes past five. She’d made good time, but then she noticed a message from Clint.

[4:26 From: Clint

I did a recon on loki. sorry. here’s a photo wher theyre leaving a hotel. im fine w/ beating him up if u want.]

Uneasily, Bea looked at the picture Clint had sent. Her eyes widened and a sense of dread flooded her. Putting the phone back in her pocket, Bea swallowed and knocked on the door.

Loki was quick to answer.

“Beatrice,” he said with a small smile. “Come on in.”

 She followed him inside and closed the door behind her.

“May I offer you a drink?”

Loki sounded at ease but the way his eyes were surreptitiously looking over Bea said something else.

Bea took a deep breath.

“Are you sleeping with Rose?”

Loki froze.

It took him a moment. His face changed from several expressions; a quiet smile, a frown, a wounded look in his eyes – as though he was trying to find the right one for the situation. Eventually they all faded to a weary and jaded look.

“Yes.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Some stuff's been going in my life. I'm hoping it'll ease off because I feel like it's super rude of me to end on cliffhangers and then make you wait xD
> 
> p.s - I still love and appreciate comments, and the fact that there are people invested in this enough to leave quite lengthy ones. I didn't get round to replying last chapter's, but I read and appreciate them so much. x

There was a gap of silence as Bea tried process what Loki had just said.

“Why?! Why would you do that?” Bea asked, eyes beginning to water.

Loki sighed.

“You weren’t supposed to find out.”

“And that makes it fine? So it’s okay to – to fucking sleep with my friend? As long as I don’t fucking find out?”

She hated that her voice had started to crack.

“Beatrice, I had no intention of ever hurting you –“

“So why do it then? Why…”

Bea covered her eyes with her hand, feeling the tears coming thick and fast. She didn’t want him to see. She could feel herself on the edge of sobbing. Loki reached out towards her and Bea flinched back violently, hand now away from her face.

“Don’t touch me.”

Loki looked hurt.

“I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t want to hear from you, or – or anything. I just don’t want…”

“Beatrice, stop,” Loki said entreatingly. “I’ll explain - you just need to calm down.”

“Calm down?! Rose is my friend –“

Loki laughed coldly.

“Beatrice, do you truly think that? That she’d sleep with me if she was?”

“You – you do that thing to people –“

“It’s not magic, Beatrice. It’s persuasion, and how weak-willed would you have to be to be persuaded to have sex with you friend’s boyfriend?”

“Please stop,” Bea said.

His words were making sense. She didn’t want them to.

“It was her idea anyway,” Loki told her indifferently.

“What?”

“Rose was the one who came to me and asked me –“

“AND YOU SAID YES,” Bea yelled suddenly, her voice breaking.

“Beatrice –“

“Are you really that selfish? Th-that you can’t even see how that would m-make me feel?”

“Beatrice, please. I can explain it – why I didn’t tell you, why it was her…”

Loki’s wide eyes implored her to believe him.

Bea said nothing; just stood still, wiping her eyes. Her body was shaken by the convulsive sobs which she tried to repress. In the silence they were all too obvious.

“If you calm down, I can explain. Will you calm down, Beatrice?”

Bea took a moment before nodding quietly. Loki let out a small sigh of relief and led her over to sit on the couch, bringing over a box of tissues and a glass of water. Bea sat crying and sobbing. It all still hurt. She’d been betrayed by both Rose and Loki. She still wanted to yell at Loki, and slap him, but she’d been reduced to just raw hurt. Her mind had stopped trying to figure everything out and she just felt vacant.

She wasn’t sure how long, but eventually her breaths became less shaky. Her eyes felt dry now from all the crying and a few used tissues sat on the table.

“Okay,” Bea said. “I’m…calm.”

Loki sat down on the other couch. Bea flicked her eyes up to meet Loki’s eyes, but only for a second. They then fell to her lap.

“I did not think you’d be this upset.”

Bea played with the seam at the bottom of her top.

“You said I wasn’t meant to find out at all. So which is it?”

“Both. I considered both.”

She shook her head slowly before looking straight at Loki. He was bent over slightly, one fist holding the other while his forearms rested on his knees.

“You thought I wouldn’t care about what you did? That you…with Rose?” Bea asked, sniffling still.

“I thought you’d take it up with her. She’s your _friend_. She’s the one who started all this,” Loki said.

“But you went along with it,” she said coldly.

Loki licked his lips and his eyes momentarily left Bea’s.

“She said she would… _disclose_ certain pieces of information to you.”

“What information? Wait - was she blackmailing you?” Bea asked in disbelief.

“That’s a strong word,” Loki said, leaning back.

“But isn’t…? Oh my god, was she forcing you to have se –“

Loki stood up suddenly.

“We’re not talking about this.”

“Loki –“

“No.”

He walked away and Bea turned around to see him go into the kitchen. She heard a cupboard being opened and the fridge but not much more. Bea took a minute before she stood up and followed him. Loki had a glass in his hand filled with what Bea guessed was cola. Bea didn’t know what to say. Loki took a drink before putting the glass onto the kitchen counter. He heaved a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Beatrice.”

“About what exactly?” Bea asked.

Loki made a weary gesture with one of his hands.

“I’m sorry that you got hurt. I’m sorry that you got caught up in this. I really thought it’d be much simpler.”

“What would be?” Bea asked, tilting her head a little and frowning.

“This thing. The fake dating. I meant to just help you, perhaps have some innocent fun, and now this. Beatrice…”

Bea tried to figure out where he was going with this.

“Are you fake breaking up with me?”

Loki smiled sardonically, but he was obviously amused.

“No, no. We still have a month. But things…”

His gaze fell. He stared blankly at a tile on the floor.

“Loki?”

“Let’s not think about it. Let’s get something to eat.”

Loki sprang into action and took out all the takeaway menus from a drawer. Bea was overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, as well as hungry. She didn’t want to think about anything so when Loki suggested thai, she went along with it.

After ordering the pair sat back down onto the couch except this time Loki sat beside Bea.

She’d missed him. There was a sense of ease when she was close to him. Even just feeling the heat from his body made her feel a bit better. Loki turned on the TV and they watched mostly in silence. Bea rested her head against his shoulder. Loki shifted so it was easier for her. Everything seemed so messed up, and there was so much still to talk about, but she needed this. Tears pricked Bea’s eyes once more. She didn’t really know why.

 

 

Loki felt like he was constantly teetering between a maelstrom of emotions and emotional vacancy. His apology was meant to be functional – true, but functional. Instead he felt horrible, like a tidal wave of regret crashing over him before sinking deep to his core.

Of course Loki didn’t want Bea to feel hurt, but he hadn’t planned on feeling that so intensely. Watching her cry like that all because of him…Well, Rose was mostly to blame.

Thankfully Bea had continued her questioning about Rose and Loki was glad. She would eventually but right now he could relax.

He watched her eat her pad thai slowly. He’d already eaten half of his green curry.

Loki kept wanting to tell her ‘I’m sorry’ over and over, but that didn’t feel like enough. How many times had he used those words to mean absolutely nothing? Now he meant them. Now the words weren’t enough.

“Loki?”

Loki’s attention fell to her immediately.

“Yes?”

“I know it’s rude to ask, but can I stay here tonight? I don’t want to go back to my dorm.”

Loki thought Bea would’ve wanted to leave. He was pleasantly surprised that this wasn’t the case.

“Of course. You can sleep in my bed.”

“Oh no, I can just sleep on the couch,” Bea said.

“Darling, do you think after what’s just happened I’m going to make you sleep on the couch?”

Bea shrugged weakly.

“Are you tired? It is still early, but I don’t mind.”

“I don’t know. Can we watch a movie or something? And just pretend things are fine for a bit?”

Loki didn’t like the way Bea looked at him, like there was a possibility that he’d say no to her and that she’d break if he did.

“Of course. Have you finished with your food?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“I’ll put it in the fridge for later. You can go chose something for us to watch.”

“Okay.”

Bea scraped back her chair and walked over to the TV. Loki watched her, biting his lip, before taking up the plates and the takeaway containers. Once in the kitchen he scraped with a knife all the pad thai Bea hadn’t eaten back into the container.  Sealing the lids, he opened the fridge and wriggled the containers about to find room amongst the nearly full and haphazardly organised fridge.

It was all going to happen tomorrow. He’d have to tell Bea exactly why he did what he did. He’d have to tell her about that incident from last year that everyone who had any modicum of curiosity in them already knew. Bea must have heard people refer to it the day after they’d met, when everyone wouldn’t leave her alone. Still, Bea never looked into it. Loki half-hoped her interest would still be non-existent but the likelihood was low.

Loki took a deep breath before leaving the kitchen to join Bea. They watched a movie together and Loki felt relieved when once or twice he noticed Bea smile.

 

 

Bea stepped into Loki’s room, looking around with interest. The room was small enough that the double bed took up most of it. There was a desk covered with papers and a pile of books on it, as well as a stereo with an actual CD rack filled with actual CDs next to it.

Bea eyed the CD rack as Loki rummaged in the closet.

“I don’t have much you can sleep in. I suppose you could sleep in your clothes if you want, but you could borrow a shirt, or…”

Turning around, Bea saw Loki holding up a dark green t-shirt that would definitely be too big for her.

“There’s sweatpants –“

“You have sweatpants?”

“- but they’ll be far too big for you,” Loki said, ignoring her.

“The shirt will be great. I don’t really like sleeping in my clothes. I mean daytime clothes. I sleep in pajamas usually,” Bea rambled.

She saw a small smile on Loki’s face.

“The bathroom door’s the one to the right, so feel free to use that.”

“Thanks. But, uh, Loki?”

“Yes?”

“You didn’t…with Rose…here?”

“God no,” Loki said, sounding personally affronted by the very idea. “No, never here, always…”

“At the hotel.”

Loki’s eyebrows rose suddenly.

“You know about that?”

“Clint sent me a photo. That’s how I knew for certain. Before I’d just seen you both in the park.”

Chewing on his lip, Loki frowned.

“Was that this afternoon? I thought something was a little off.”

“I didn’t know he was doing that, by the way. I’d told him I thought you were, you know, and not to tell anyone, so I guess he just decided to follow you.”

Bea watched Loki carefully for his reaction. After everything she still hated the idea that Loki would be angry with her.

All Loki did was sigh.

“Beatrice, don’t look at me like that. You shouldn’t. You should be angry with me.”

“But it wasn’t your fault. You said she was blackmailing you.”

“I could have done something. I could have spared you all this,” Loki told her solemnly, making a vague gesture with his hands. “But I didn’t.”

He said that, but Bea had a feeling it wasn’t that simple.

“Let’s not think about it. Let’s just go to sleep, and tomorrow we’ll figure it all out.”

Bea watched Loki’s face as a war of emotions crossed it. Then he surprised her. Loki put his arms around her and drew her into a hug. It lasted only a few short seconds.

He wished her goodnight and left quickly.

It had come and gone so fast that Bea felt confused for a moment. She was left in his room all alone now. If she wasn’t so tired she would have snooped about a little but instead she took off her clothes and changed into the t-shirt Loki had left out for her. It was baggy on her and but not quite long enough to wear around the apartment with any sense of decency.

Bea liked it though. It smelt like Loki, and climbing into his bed she realised that smelt like him too. Even the pillow that she rested her head on had that familiar scent to it. It was a comforting way to fall asleep. She actually felt safe – like it was where she belonged. Bea fell asleep easily despite everything, drifting into a deep sleep.

 

 

There was a loud crash and Bea jolted awake. She panicked, not knowing where she was, and hearing thumps from beyond the door. The smell of Loki brought her back to where she was – and now she was worried. Bea got out of bed quickly but had to awkwardly navigate her way around the room, hands reaching out in front of her to stop her bumping into anything. She could hear someone’s voice, deep and indistinct through the wall. Making it to the other side of the room, she grabbed the door knob and edged it ajar.

She could see Loki was on the floor wearing a humourless smile. There was something on his face but Bea wasn’t sure what. Clint was standing over him, anger blaring in his eyes.

“I can’t fucking believe you’d do that to her,” Clint was saying quietly but with menace.

“Oh, hello Beatrice,” Loki said as he spotted her.

“Bea?”

Clint turned around as Bea opened the door further.

“What are you doing in – did he –“

“No, it’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine but we’re not angry at him anymore,” Bea explained. Her sleep-addled brain wasn’t ready to explain exactly what had happened.

“Are you sure? Because I was there, and I’m pretty sure he had sex with that girl.”

“He did,” Bea admitted. “But it’s gotten complicated.”

Loki stumbled to his feet and leaned against the back of one of the couches. Bea could see blood.

“Oh my god, did he hit you?”

She rushed over to have a closer look.

“Did he break your nose?”

Loki waved his hand dismissively.

“It’s fine.”

“No, you’re bleeding! Clint, what do we do?”

Clint looked on, dumb struck.

“Should we take him to A&E or something?”

“For god’s sake, it’s not broken. It’s just blood.”

Loki made to stand up fully but almost immediately leaned back against the couch. He was getting paler, Bea noticed.

“Clint!”

Clint seemed to jump into action then.

“Okay. Okay. Lie down, Loki. Now stopping bleeding…”

He suddenly left the room. A few moments later he returned holding a first aid kit.

“Oh wow, you actually have one of those,” Bea said.

“You don’t?”

Clint opened the kit and was looking through the contents. Loki had actually listened to him and was lying on the floor. Clint put on thin latex clothes which made Loki laugh.

“This isn’t surgery, Barton.”

“Shut up. I’m still mad at you, and I’ll keep being mad until someone gives me a good reason.”

Bea simply watched as Clint worked methodically – wiping away excess blood to find the original wound before pressing down a wad of gauze on the cut. It looked uncomfortable for both Clint and Loki, who was quietly enduring having half of his face pressed.

“I don’t remember how long I’ve gotta do this. Can you look it up, Bea?”

Bea nodded and went back to Loki’s room. She decided to put on her jeans before going back out; remembering how potentially revealing Loki’s shirt could be depending on how she stood. She took her phone out.

“What do I google?” Bea called out.

“I don’t know – how long to press on bleeding wound? Something like that?”

Bea quickly looked it up on her phone and walked back towards the two.

“Fifteen minutes,” she told Clint.

Loki groaned.

“That’s ridiculous. We never did longer than ten and we were fine,” Loki muttered to himself.

“We?” Bea asked, looking from Loki to Clint.

“I don’t fucking know. He’s probably going delirious, or pretending to. Just put a timer on on your phone or something.”

Bea obeyed. She clutched her phone to her lower abdomen as she watched.

Loki was looking paler and he was being quiet for once.

“Is this a good time to ask about why you’re fine with Loki all of a sudden? You got my text, right?”

“Yeah, I got it. We had a sort of fight. I don’t know. We were going to talk about it more in the morning, but you’ve come along and kind of…punched him in the face.”

“He deserved it,” Clint muttered.

“I did. I do.”

Loki’s green eyes met Bea’s in a moment of startling honesty. His gaze then shifted to the ceiling.

They all spent the next few minutes in silence except for one or two yawns from Bea. She was still sleepy.

“You can go back to bed, you know,” Clint told her.

“No, I want to make sure he’s okay.”

“I’m fine,” Loki repeated.

“It’ll just be dealing with the swelling after this. I don’t think I fractured anything.”

“You could have done that?!” Bea exclaimed.

“It doesn’t feel fractured,” Loki commented.

“And how would you know?”

“You think this is the first time someone’s wanted to punch me in the face?” Loki asked, sounding more amused than Bea felt he should be.

“You’ve never fractured anything on your face, Loki,” Clint muttered.

“Mm. Just my arm and my ankle. Have you ever broken a bone, Beatrice?”

“No!”

“Good. Has it been fifteen minutes yet?”

Bea checked her phone.

“Oh. My phone was on silent. Yeah, it has.”

Clint took away the gauze from his face. Bea could see it soaked in blood, but Loki’s face wasn’t bleeding anymore, just swollen.

Loki tried to get up but Clint put his hand up to stop him.

“I’ve still got to bandage it up.”

“Yes, nurse.”

Loki sat up in front of Clint and let him dress the wound.

“You can go back to bed, Beatrice,” Loki said. “Clint actually takes first aid courses. Isn’t that cute?”

“Shut up,” Clint told him.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow – and we’ll talk over everything.”

Loki nodded slightly.

“When do I get to know what’s going on?” Clint asked.

“Once I tell her what happened last year,” Loki said dryly.

“Oh shit,” Clint muttered.

Loki ignored him.

“Goodnight, Beatrice.”

“Yeah. ‘night.”

She went back into Loki’s room. It was harder to fall asleep this time, especially as she could hear murmurs through the wall of Clint and Loki talking to each other. They didn’t stop for another half hour when Bea finally heard Clint go into his room.

Bea sighed. The tomorrow was getting closer.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile. I can assure you it isn't laziness; life has just been throwing things at me. Very rude.
> 
> There is a bonus two references to two of Tom Hiddleston's non-Loki film roles in this. If you can find them you gain my respect (also it's like a game. Games are fun, right?)
> 
> Thank you anyone who is staying around despite the lateness. I am grateful.

Bea didn’t know what time it was when she woke up. It could have been nine o’clock, or it could have been afternoon but she assumed Loki would have woken her up by then.

She sat up and pushed back the sheets. There was a fragile tranquillity in the air. She wasn’t eager to break it.

Dressed in yesterday’s clothes, and leaving Loki’s shirt behind on the bed, Bea opened the door and looked into the lounge. Her eyes found Loki seated at the table. He had a book in front of him but he’d looked up upon hearing the door. Half of his face was still a bit swollen; his left cheek in particular.

“Good morning,” he said. “Are you hungry at all? There’s still leftovers in the fridge.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Bea watched as Loki got up out of his chair and took lengthy strides to the kitchen. She followed him, staying by the doorway. He took out the pad thai from last night and a bowl.

“How much do you want?”

“Oh, maybe half?”

Loki dished it out and put it in the microwave to heat.

“Has Clint gone out?” Bea asked.

“Yes, he has.”

Bea didn’t like how quiet he was being but she didn’t say anything.

Once it had heated, Loki handed her the bowl and got a knife and fork out for her.

“You’ve already eaten?” Bea asked, looking back at Loki as she walked back to the table.

“I had breakfast with Clint earlier.”

They both sat opposite each other. Loki didn’t say anything as Bea ate. He looked solemn and maybe a little bit nervous. She didn’t know if her own nervousness showed. It probably did.

Bea finished fairly quickly. She didn’t eat it all but she ate enough. Loki was bothering her, and she needed to know what happened. She needed to know what on earth Loki did that was bad enough for him to not only want to keep it from her, but also to succumb to blackmail over.

She pushed the plate away.

“Okay. I’m ready to hear it now.”

For a moment Loki was still as though the words had frozen him in time. Then as he opened his mouth and drew in a breath, he came alive again.

“A lot of people already know this, or at least know a version of it. You’re strange in that regard.”

“I didn’t want to know. But I feel like I have to.”

“Have to?” Loki asked in disbelief.

“Rose will keep holding it over you. And I think I should know anyway,” Bea added quickly.

Loki nodded.

“Well,” Loki said with a deep sigh, leaning further back in his chair, “last year I decided, as a way to amuse myself that it’d be fun to take as many first-year girls’ virginities as I could. Their feelings were the obvious casualties, and after sleeping with them I wouldn’t make contact with them ever again. I went through quite a few. I could tell you the number, because people will exaggerate it, but I think it’s better that you don’t know. You can pretend there was less heartache that way.”

“Okay,” Bea said solemnly.

Loki swallowed and bit his lip before going on.

“There was one girl. Everything was going as usual and we were in her dorm room, on her bed. Part way through I noticed blood. That didn’t seem strange; hymens break, sometimes sex can bring on periods early…It wasn’t until afterwards that I noticed that it wasn’t either of those things. She was bleeding out. Her pulse was weak, she’d gone pale, and I started to panic – but not about her. I finish fucking a girl, only caring about my own enjoyment, and she obviously going through it for some bizarre idea that she had to, or that she didn’t want to tell me to stop, or that was how it was meant to happen –“

Loki paused and closed his eyes for a second.

“I didn’t want to be caught there. I didn’t want my student reputation on the line. I was going to just go, and just leave her there but something stopped me. Some semblance of a conscience. I called an ambulance but I didn’t stay with her. I threw a blanket over her, probably more so I couldn’t see her than anything else, and ran away. I just ran.”

Bea stared at him, dumbfounded.

“A week later I was back out there. No longer after virgins, but after anyone else. Wasn’t picky. Anything with a pulse.”

“And the girl?” Bea asked quietly.

“Fine. Well, medically. Ended up in hospital, dropped out of college, then moved to a different town. Haven’t heard anything since.”

Bea felt vacant. She could sense some kind of emotion but it was far away, blurry in the distance. The images from Loki’s words and the image of Loki as he was right now wouldn’t meet in her mind. Like ink seeping into paper, how Bea had seen him before was now being tainted in such sudden increments that she thought she was losing sight of him.

“There. That’s who I am. Selfish, pleasure-seeking, and cowardly Loki.”

Loki looked at her, face neutral but his eyes betrayed him. He was nervous.

She inhaled sharply.

“You didn’t get in trouble for it, did you?” she asked.

“No,” Loki admitted. “My family has connections. We paid them off.”

“That could have been me,” Bea muttered. “You could have done that to me.”

“No,” Loki said hastily. “No, I would never –“

“What’s the difference between us? Just timing? She could be here right now instead of me.”

“Bea, you aren’t replaceable. You’re not like the other girls.”

Bea shook her head in disbelief.

“Wow. You actually think that, don’t you?”

“I’m not proud of it, Beatrice, if that’s what you think. I don’t sit here and relish reliving it, or hearing people refer to it casually like it was something - something in a TV show - not something that happened – that was real. I lived it. I lived every moment.”

“So did she. Do you even remember her name?”

Loki opened his mouth before closing it again.

“It started with an M,” he said quietly.

“Have you ever apologised? Gone to see her?”

“The lawyers said that would imply that I had done something wrong. I couldn’t until after the case was resolved.”

“But you didn’t, even then. Loki, I can’t…”

Bea looked down and rubbed her forehead. There was so much that was wrong. Loki couldn’t see it – or he refused to.

With a resigned expression, Loki moved forward in his chair, arms on the table.

“If this is too much, if you don’t want to spend time with me anymore, I understand. But you have to know that if I break it off with Rose, she will tell everyone that I cheated on you.”

Bea gazed lifelessly at the table surface.

“What if you don’t? What if we just break up what we’re doing?”

“It can play out in two ways: she will reveal my supposed infidelity, and you and I will separate. Everyone will pity you for a while but it’ll eventually go back to normal. The second is that I can dispute what Rose says. We will have to continue to spend time together, and show ourselves even happier to be together in order to quash whatever Rose tells everyone. I could probably find some way to undermine her. But this is your decision.”

Bea’s head felt both full of thoughts yet completely empty. She didn’t want people around her judging her again but she didn’t know if she could spend more time with Loki after what he’d done, especially since she’d have to pretend to enjoy his company.

“You don’t have to choose right away,” Loki told her, “but this is time sensitive.”

Bea nodded slowly.

“If I knew this was going to happen – if things were going to end up like this…I never would have talked to you,” Loki said.

She felt a pang in her chest. Despite everything, the idea of never spending time with Loki hurt. Bea had become so used to him being there.

“I don’t enjoy hurting you, Beatrice.”

“I know. I don’t think that at all. But you kind of have.”

Bea shrugged awkwardly. The conversation was too serious for comfort. They sat in uneasy silence.

“I guess I should go and think about things,” Bea said slowly.

“Of course.”

Loki stood up with her. He waited for Bea to make sure she’d gotten all her things. Following her to the door, he opened it for her. For a moment it looked like Loki was going to say something. Instead he gave a weak smile. Bea muttered goodbye and left.

 

 

“Fuck, this coffee’s the worst. What do they put in this stuff?”

“Coffee beans?”

“It tastes like tar.”

Clint pushed his cup to the side. He really looked Bea over. She had a downtrodden expression and a deep sadness in her eyes. He sighed.

“Loki told you his story, huh.”

“Does everyone know it?” Bea asked, cradling a mug of chai.

“Pretty much.”

“And you’re fine with it? Knowing what he did?”

“I wouldn’t say fine with it but we aren’t our worst mistakes. He didn’t do it on purpose, which would be about ten times as fucked up. Most people have skeletons in their closets. His closet is just stuck open.”

“Have you done anything that bad?”

Clint considered it.

“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Really?”

Bea looked incredibly surprised.

“Well, you know. Life. Things happen. Anyway, Loki. What did you want to ask me about?”

“Just…what I should do. I have no idea. Everything’s kind of falling apart…Rose has just completely…how do I deal with that? Do I just stop being friends with all of them? But if I do that, and I break it off with Loki, then who do I have anymore?”

“Me?” Clint suggested weakly.

He was really in over his head.

“Yeah. That’d actually be nice.”

Bea nearly smiled.

“Whether you break it off with Loki or not, okay?”

“Thanks, Clint. But I still have no idea what to do.”

She gave a heavy sigh, cradling her cup of tea in her hand.

“What would you do? If it was someone you cared about but you found out all these terrible things?”

Clint thought of Natasha. He couldn’t imagine it – but he didn’t have to. He had someone else in mind.

“I’d leave. I’d leave and wouldn’t look back. Do what’s best for you. If he’s bringing you down –“

“But that’s the thing: Loki isn’t bringing me down, the things that he’s done in the past are. The thing with Rose was really his fault, and the thing with the girl was from last year. He said he’s sorry.”

Bea’s gaze fell.

“Am I being an idiot?”

Clint opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. Whatever he said now would have consequences. It could completely change everything and that was terrifying. In the end he went with his instincts.

“You both seem…happy together. Obviously not now, but anytime I was in the same room as you guys it had a different vibe, you know? I’m not saying you should suddenly forgive him or be one hundred percent okay with what he did…It’s just something to think about?”

Clint could tell she was thinking really hard. He felt for her. He couldn’t – he really, really couldn’t – imagine what Bea was going through. Clint just hoped he’d said the right thing.

“I just really don’t want to do this alone,” she said, almost too quiet to hear.

“Hey, I know. That’s why I’ll be here either way.”

Her eyes were brimming with tears but she was keeping them back.

“Thanks. Just – thanks.”

 

 

Loki heard the door open and thud closed. He pretended he hadn’t been waiting for Clint, that he hadn’t spent half an hour on the same page of the book he was reading because he just couldn’t stop thinking about her. What did she say? Did she make a decision? Which way did Clint push her to go in?

“Man, you fucked up,” Clint said from across the room.

Loki heard him duck into the kitchen and before walking back into the room and towards the couch. Half-sitting on the arm of the couch, he opened the bottle of beer in his hand.

“You’re going to have to really make it up to her if you want her to stay around.”

Loki frowned and shifted in his seat, facing Clint further.

“What do you mean?”

“You want her to stay, right?”

Loki opened his mouth before closing it again.

“I suppose so,” he settled on. “And what does she say?”

“She doesn’t know.”

They both stayed quiet as Clint drank. Loki moved back to how he was.

“You _really_ fucked up,” Clint remarked again.

“It wasn’t all me,” Loki growled. “That woman – her friend –“

“Yeah, what happened there? Everything was going fine and then she turns up…”

“Beatrice didn’t tell you?” Loki asked with raised eyebrows.

Clint shook his head.

“Her friend told me she’d tell Beatrice about the incident from last year. That’s why I’ve told her. Though it opens up more problems…”

Loki could see Clint turning it over in his head.

“Geez, Loki, was she pressuring you into having sex?”

“It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it. I just didn’t enjoy…her. Apparently we’d been together before. She wasn’t happy that I didn’t remember.”

Clint tapped his beer bottle with his fingers.

“Do you remember when you wouldn’t tell me stuff about yourself? And if something was up, you’d keep it to yourself, and you expected me to do the same?” Clint asked.

“Yes?”

“I kind of miss that.”

Loki chuckled darkly.

“And I don’t know how the hell both of you decided I was good at giving advice. Look at me.”

Clint gestured to himself.

“A mess. I have no job, life plan fallen through, and I spend my time pining after a girl who’ll never care about me. All I do is play pokemon and watch shitty daytime TV. How the hell did this happen?”

“You occasionally say helpful things. Maybe you should work as a counsellor.”

“Hell no. I don’t enjoy this at all. I’m only doing this because we’re roommates and Bea’s a good kid.”

“Mm,” Loki said while dragging his finger across his lower lip.

After a minute of silence, Clint stood upright and started to move. Loki’s stopped him.

“If she decides she wants to cut things off, will you make sure…Will you take care of her?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

Loki felt the slightest amount of comfort in his words. Clint left, going to his room but Loki stayed, sitting quietly on his own. What he wanted was more than he deserved, yet he still wanted it. Things had been better – somehow _brighter_ – with Bea around. At least he wouldn’t have to deal with Rose anymore. Hopefully Bea wouldn’t have to either, but Loki could tell Rose was going to kick up a storm. He just wanted to be there with Bea when he finally hit.


End file.
